116 W H A T EVERY BODY IS SAYING
people being reunited after a long absence. They hold their open arms
straight out. The meaning is clear, “Come here, I want to hold you!” This
beautiful sight is reminiscent of when our own parents warmly reached out
to us and we responded in kind. Our arms reach out, defying gravity and
opening up our entire body, because our feelings are so genuinely positive.
What happens with our arm movements when we don’t really feel
positive emotions? Years ago, when my daughter was young, we were
attending a family get-together, and as a relative approached me, rather
than holding my arms straight out, they were only outstretched from the
elbows, with my upper arms close at my sides. Interestingly, my daughter
likewise adjusted her arms when this relative reached out to hug her.
Subconsciously, I had transmitted that this person was welcome, but that
I was not extremely excited to see her. My daughter responded in kind,
later telling me that she did not like this relative, either. Whether my
daughter’s feelings were original or whether she had picked up on my
sentiments toward this relative, we had both subconsciously demon-
strated, with our less-than-stretched-out arms, how we really felt.
Arm behaviors also help to communicate such everyday messages as:
“hello,” “so long,” “come here,” “I don’t know,” “over there,” “down here,”
“up there,” “stop,” “go back,” “get out of my sight,” and “I can’t believe
what just happened!” Many of these gestures could be understood any-
where in the world and often are employed to overcome language barri-
ers. There are also numerous obscene gestures that involve the arms, some
specific to a given culture, and others that are universally understood.
Arm Cues that IsolateCertain arm behaviors relay the message, “Don’t come close to me; don’t
touch!” For instance, watch some university professors, doctors, or lawyers
as they walk down a hallway, or for that matter, look at the Queen of Eng-
land or her husband, Prince Philip. When people place their arms behind
their backs, first they are saying, “I am of higher status.” Second, they are
transmitting, “Please don’t come near me; I am not to be touched.” This
behavior is often misunderstood as merely a pensive or thinking pose, but