GETTING A GRIP 139BOX 37: WHEN CUSTOMS AND INTELLIGENCE
GATHERING GO HAND IN HANDWhen I was assigned to the Manhattan office of the FBI, I worked with an
informant (asset) who had defected from Bulgaria. He was an older gen-
tleman, and as time went on we became friends. I remember being at his
home one afternoon, having tea, which he favored late in the day. We sat
on the couch, and as he told me stories of his work and life behind the
iron curtain, he took my left hand and just held it, for practically a half
hour. As he spoke of his life under Soviet oppression, I could tell this en-
counter was more about therapy than it was about work. It was clear that
this gentleman took great delight and derived much comfort from holding
the hand of another person. This behavior was a sign of his trust in me as
we spoke; it was much more than a routine FBI debriefing of a former in-
telligence officer. My acceptance of his hand was highly conducive to his
coming forth with additional and vital information. I always wonder how
much less information I would have received if I had moved my hand
because I feared touching or holding another man’s hand.way to express genuine sentiments as an American handshake. I am hon-
ored when an Arab or Asian man offers to take my hand because I know
that it’s a sign of high respect and trust. Accepting these cultural differ-
ences is the first step to better understanding and embracing diversity.
Avoid Using Hand Gestures that Offend OthersIn many countries throughout the world, finger pointing is viewed as
one of the most offensive gestures a person can display. Studies show that
people don’t like it when someone points a finger at them (see figure 46).
In schools as well as prison yards, finger pointing is often the precursor
to many fights. When talking with their children, parents should be
careful to avoid pointing at them while saying things like “I know you