182 W H A T EVERY BODY IS SAYING
these causes is difficult; essentially all you can do is look for a decrease in
brow raises, or their sudden absence, to alert you that something has
changed. It is remarkable how often people will change their facial em-
phasis (their eyebrow flashes) as they become less and less committed to
what they are saying or doing.
Eye-Gaze BehaviorIt is universal that when we look directly at others, we either like them,
are curious about them, or want to threaten them. Lovers stare into each
other’s eyes with great frequency, as do mother and child; but so do
predators who use a direct gaze to either mesmerize or threaten (think
of stares of Ted Bundy and Charles Manson). In other words, the brain
employs a single eye behavior—a strong gaze—to communicate love,
interest, or hate. Therefore, we must rely on other facial displays that ac-
company eye-gaze behavior to determine liking (a relaxed smile) or dislike
(tightened jaws, compressed lips).
Conversely, when we gaze away during a conversation, we tend to do so
to engage a thought more clearly without the distraction of looking at the
person with whom we are talking. This behavior is often mistaken as rude-
ness or as personal rejection, which it is not. Nor is it a sign of deception or
disinterest; in fact, it is actually a comfort display (Vrij, 2003, 88–89). When
talking to friends, we routinely look in the distance as we converse. We do
this because we feel comfortable enough to do so; the limbic brain detects no
threats from this person. Do not assume someone is being deceptive, disin-
terested, or displeased just because he or she looks away. Clarity of thought
is often enhanced by looking away, and that is the reason we do it.
There are many other reasons for looking away from a speaker. A
downward gaze may demonstrate that we are processing a sentiment
or a feeling, conducting an internal dialogue, or perhaps demonstrat-
ing submissiveness. In many cultures, a downward gaze or other form
of eye aversion is expected in the face of authority or in the presence of
a high-status individual. Often children are taught to look down hum-
bly when being chastised by a parent or adult (Johnson, 2007, 277–290).