218 W H A T EVERY BODY IS SAYING
I still get nervous when I am on the stand, so signs of tension and stress
always need to be deciphered in context.
Pacifiers and DiscomfortWhen interviewing suspects during my years with the FBI, I looked for
pacifying behaviors to help guide me in my questioning and to assess
what was particularly stressful to the interviewee. Although pacifiers
alone are not definitive proof of deception (since they can manifest in in-
nocent people who are nervous), they do provide another piece of the
puzzle in determining what a person is truly thinking and feeling.
The following is a list of twelve things I do—and the points I keep in
mind—when I want to read pacifying nonverbals in interpersonal inter-
actions. You might consider using a similar strategy when you interview
or converse with others, be it a formal inquiry, a serious conversation
with a family member, or an interaction with a business associate.
(1) Get a clear view. When I conduct interviews or interact with
others, I don’t want anything blocking my total view of the
person, as I don’t want to miss any pacifying behaviors. If, for
example, the person pacifies by wiping his hands on his lap, I
want to be able to see it—which is difficult if there is a desk in
the way. Human resource personnel should be aware that the
best way to interview is in a physically open space—with noth-
ing blocking your view of the candidate—so you may fully
observe the person you are interviewing.
(2) Expect some pacifying behaviors. A certain level of pacifying
behavior is normal in everyday nonverbal displays; people do this
to calm themselves. When my daughter was young, she would
soothe herself to sleep by playing with her hair, curling the
strands in her fingers, seemingly oblivious to the world. So I ex-
pect people to pacify more or less, throughout the day, just as I
expect them to breathe, as they adapt to an ever-changing envi-
ronment.