MASTERING THE SECRETS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 15processing information or adapting to emotional events. A child who is
exhibiting giddiness and delight at the prospect of entering a theme
park will change his behavior immediately upon learning the park is
closed. Adults are no different. When we get bad news over the phone
or see something that can hurt us, our bodies reflect that change imme-
diately.
Changes in a person’s behavior can also reveal his or her interest or
intentions in certain circumstances. Careful observation of such changes
can allow you to predict things before they happen, clearly giving you an
advantage—particularly if the impending action could cause harm to
you or others (see box 6).
Commandment 8: Learning to detect false or misleading nonver-
bal signals is also critical. The ability to differentiate between authen-
tic and misleading cues takes practice and experience. It requires not only
concerted observation, but also some careful judgment. In the chapters
to come, I will teach you the subtle differences in a person’s actions that
reveal whether a behavior is honest or dishonest, increasing your
chances of getting an accurate read on the person with whom you are
dealing.
Commandment 9: Knowing how to distinguish between comfort
and discomfort will help you to focus on the most important be-
haviors for decoding nonverbal communications. Having studied
nonverbal behavior most of my adult life, I have come to realize that there
are two principal things we should look for and focus on: comfort and
discomfort. This is fundamental to how I teach nonverbal communica-
tions. Learning to read comfort and discomfort cues (behaviors) in others
accurately will help you to decipher what their bodies and minds are truly
saying. If in doubt as to what a behavior means, ask yourself if this looks
like a comfort behavior (e.g., contentment, happiness, relaxation) or if it
looks like a discomfort behavior (e.g., displeasure, unhappiness, stress,
anxiety, tension). Most of the time you will be able to place observed be-
haviors in one of these two domains (comfort vs. discomfort).