STORY COMP
No, don’t use the laptop just yet. Step away from the keyboard.
We’ll do this my way. You need to slow your brain down. Writing a
irst draft in longhand will help you do that.
Do you want to trust me or not? It’s what I’m here for, right? This
is all about breaking those bad habits that got you that lousy two
per cent success rate!
Right. You want to write a murder story. There are four key
factors on which you must base your story. And you need to know
these in order of importance. Knee bone connected to your thigh
bone and all that, if you get my drift.
So what do you think is the irst factor in writing a murder story?
No, not the murderer. See? Fools rush in. No, no I’m sorry. Ow!
Please don’t do that! I don't mean you're a fool – you’re just going
about it arse-up. Every good murder mystery must start with a
victim. The victim is key. Without a victim, how can you have a
murderer?
Yes, I know you want to get down to the nitty gritty, but seriously.
There’s no debating this one. Victim irst. Now write that down.
And while you’re at it, what gender is your victim?
Purely your choice of course, but here’s a tip. Readers are funny
old things. From my extensive experience, a female victim is far
more likely to stir up feelings of horror and anger against your
murderer.
Why? Because women are perceived as softer and more defense-
less. Committing a crime against a woman is... well, it’s like
plucking the wings of a butterly. Most people would be outraged.
And from a writer’s point of view, any emotion you can stir up in
your reader is a win-win situation. For the most part, a male victim
could be hacked into a million pieces with a blunt meat cleaver,
divided up into plastic sandwich bags and posted to all corners
of the globe, and your readers would still shrug and say he had it
coming. A woman will always garner sympathy and empathy.
The second factor, and equally as important, is motive.
Don’t look so surprised. If you don’t have a motive, then it
wouldn’t be a murder now, would it? It’d just be a boring old death.
Like when someone chokes on a chunk of raw carrot. The murderer
must have something to gain.
Yes, you’re right, motives are usually personal. Good, I’m glad
you get it now. You’re sharp. All right then, let’s discuss some of
these motives. I think you’ll ind that there is none more compel-
ling than money.
OK, well I know you wouldn’t murder for money... but you’re
only saying that because you obviously have a lot of it. I mean, look
at this place. You’re in the enviable position of being able to write
purely for the love of the craft. It’s clear that the inancial worry
worm has never wriggled its way into this garden. So, aside from
money, what else would you use as a motivating factor for your
murder? Put yourself in the murderer’s shoes. What would drive
you to do the most despicable of all acts – the taking of a human
life?
OK sure, I’ll shut up.
Um, is it OK to make a comment now? I can see you’re scribbling
away there, and it's good to see that I’ve helped open the sluice
gates to get that creativity gushing. Nothing like a good brain-
storm, right?
OK, in summary, to a murderer any motive, whether it's jealousy,
greed, revenge, self-satisfaction or money, is justiiable. Right. Now
what do you think comes next?
No, not the murderer. Not yet! Christ on roller-skates, you’re
impatient. You really want to jump in and shove that killer right in
your readers’ faces, don’t you? Ever heard of creative tension?
Well, let me explain it. Put the murderer out of your mind for the
moment! He or she is not important at this point. It’s what I mean
about plotting. It’s the same thing a murderer does. He meticu-
lously plans his murder. And if his plan is sound, then the murder
will happen without a hitch. He could even get away with it. But
take it from me. Getting away with it is not really that important to
your murderer. Someone desperate enough to step over that line,
ultimately cares little about the consequences. To a murderer... the
important thing is extinguishing life and satisfying that motive.
Well, I don’t know how to explain it better. Maybe if you listened
more closely, you’d... Ow, ow! Oh God don’t do that please, please it
hurts. I have a heart condition. The stress of all this could kill me. I
was just trying to tell you something important.
If you plot the story irst, it will take over and write itself. And
when a story does that... you can be certain it’ll touch everyone the
way you want it to. Your story will stir emotion. You’ll get away
with it. We’ll care about your victim and we’ll even care about your
precious murderer.
Well, quite frankly, what you’ve learned in ‘all those crea-
tive writing workshops’ is a crock of sloppy crap. If you hadn’t
wasted all that time sucking hackneyed advice from artsy-fartsies,
you could have got on with the real job of writing. Writers write.
Workshop attendees mostly just wax lyrical about writing.
What? Well, yes sure I teach creative writing classes, but that's
diferent. I'm a professional. I know what I'm talking about. Look,
there are two groups of people. Those who were born to write and
go ahead and do it, and those who think they can write but just
keep turning up at gatherings full of wannabes hoping they'll be
inspired one day.
So, let's move on. So far, we’ve determined that we need a victim
and a motive. Now we come to the third and equally important
factor in writing a murder story.
You’re right, wow you’re catching on. It’s still not the murderer.
Factor three is the murder weapon. You can build your murderer’s
whole proile around the type of implement he or she uses. Think
about it. What kind of picture springs to mind when your murderer
commits his, or her dastardly crime with a .38 caliber revolver? Or
a gun of any description?
Gangster? Um, well, maybe but that’s not what I’d say. Jesus in
a bathrobe, how the hell does your mind work...? What I’d say, is
coward.
Yes, of course a murderer can be a coward. And lazy too. Someone
who uses a gun to kill is afraid of their victim.
Yeah that’s right. They hide behind the power of a bullet. It’s
easy. They shove that shiny little sucker into the chamber, aim the
piece, then just pull the trigger and the job’s done. They can even
close their eyes if they want to. It’s almost death by remote control.
Minimum mess, minimum fuss. Depending on the aim of course.
The gruesome aspect is often non-existent. And gruesome is to
murder like salt is to pepper.
Well... because it keeps your reader mesmerised. No matter who
they are, and what they admit to, readers always crave the ‘holy
shit!’ factor. It’s what keeps them reading.
Yeah, you’re right. A knife is a whole diferent story.
There’s something inherently evil about the son-of-a-bitch who
uses a knife. He really likes what he does. Needs to get up close
and personal. He gets of on the peculiarly macabre sound of steel
ripping through lesh – the dull thud of blade striking bone, over
and over until he severs that vital artery.
Yes, you’re right, a knife puts the murderer in control.
But there are lots of other ways to commit murder. The quirkier
the murder method, the more interesting your murderer, therefore
the more fascinating your story will be.
Don’t stare at me like that. Look, I’m going to tell you about an
interesting lesson I learned a long time ago. If you can learn it, andIt’s All in the Plotting continued