New_York_Magazine_-_March_16_2020

96 new york | march 16–29, 2020

THE APPROVAL MATRIX Our deliberately oversimplified guide to who falls where on our taste hierarchies.

PHOTOGRAPHS: KREML

IN.RU/W

IKI

MED

IA (PUT

IN); CNN (BERN

IE); GAGE SK

IDMORE/W

IKI

MED

IA (B

IDEN); R

ICHARD TERM

INE (SU

ICI

DE FOREST); COURTESY OF NETFL

IX (KUSHNER); MARC A. HERMANN/MTA NEW YORK C

ITY TRANS

IT (BYFORD); FOTOGRAFÍAS-ARCH

IMADR

ID.ES/W

IKI

MED

IA (DOM

INGO); CHARLES BENTON,

COUR

TESY OF THE ART

IST

, JTT, AND ALM

INE RE

CH (MCK

INN

ISS

); JOSÉ PARLÁ, COURTESY OF THE BRONX MUSEUM OF THE ARTS (PARLÁ); DEFENS

IE/W

IKI

MED

IA (PR

INCE HARR

Y); CHR

ISSH

IPI

TV/TW

ITTER (MARKLE); CHAD BA

TKA (ENDL

INGS

); HULU (CL

INT

ON); PRESLEY ANN/PAUL BRU

INOOGE/P

ATR

ICK MCMULLAN (

ALLEN);

SAMUEL MORGAN PHOTOGRAPHY (SPR

ING BREAK

); CBS (JUDGE JUDY); KELSEY MCNEAL/ABC (KAREV); NETFL

IX (BAB

YLON BERL

IN); H

IROLA CONSERVAT

ION PR

OGRAMME (G

IRAFFE); P

ATR

ICK MCMULLAN (FELDMAN, FLA

VOR FLAV, WE

INSTE

IN); MANREPELLER/

INST

AGRAM (MATCHY MATCHY); OFF

ICI

ALSP

IKELEE/

INST

AGRAM

(LEE); COURTESY OF FX (DEVS); ADAM ROSE/NETFL

IX (MAR

ON); TRAV

IS SH

INN/W

IKI

MED

IA (

JOURNEY); VH1 (SHERRY P

IE); D

IXI

E CH

ICKS/Y

OUTUBE (GASL

IGHTER

); TROSM

ISI

EK/W

IKI

MED

IA (PLAST

IC BA

GS); YOUTUBE (LOVE

IS BL

IND

); RAY M

ICKSHA

W/FX (L

IL D

ICKY

).

brilliant

despicable

highbrow

Prince Harry gets

punked ...

Putin sets himself up

to be in power

longer than Stalin.

But can he top his

body count?

Jared Kushner made

$20 million on an

investment because

of a policy he

pushed for. But what

about Hunter Biden?

Turns out, Aaron Schock,

the anti-gay-rights ex-

congressman is ... gay.

Related: He spent

campaign money on

Katy Perry tickets.

Plácido Domingo

acted

inappropriately

at the L.A.

Opera, too.

Bill Clinton explains

his dalliance with

an intern was to

“manage my anxieties.”

It doesn’t look like this

is going to be

Bernie’s year after all.

Tr ain Daddy?

Who dat? Governor

Cuomo on

Andy Byford:

“I didn’t work with

Andy Byford ...

I worked with his

higher-ups.”

Hachette thought it

could sneak a Woody

Allen memoir past

Ronan Farrow ...

... Maybe read Barry

Sonnenfeld, Call Your

Mother instead.

Self-quarantine book nook

(which won’t do much for

your mood): Ben Hubbard’s

biography of MBS ...

... And Thomas

Piketty’s post-Marxist

Capital and Ideology.

Emily Kuroda, Jo Yang,

and Wai Ching Ho as the

cranky, defiant “dirt eaters”

of Endlings at New York

Theatre Workshop.

Haruna Lee’s

unsettling Suicide

Forest at A.R.T./New

York Theatres.

Jillian Walker’s

propulsive SKiNFoLK

at the Bushwick Starr.

Sam McKinniss’s

celebrity portraits at

JTT gallery.

Karla Cornejo

Villavicencio’s

well-documented

The Undocumented

Americans.

... But at least Meghan

Markle completes

her final royal

engagements in style.

The intriguing effluvia of

the Spring/Break Art Show,

eerily housed in abandoned

corporate offices

on Madison Avenue.

Diana Vreeland: Bon Mots.

Here’s one: “The quickest

way to show your age

is to try to look young.”

Lil Uzi Vert’s masterful

Eternal Atake, a space

opera in three parts.

Marc Maron’s new

special, End Times Fun,

jabs at the line

between bleak and

bleakly funny.

Alex Garland’s Devs

proves that Silicon Valley

is even weirder

than you thought!

“Lil Dicky woke up in

Chris Brown’s body.”

The Dixie Chicks’

new single, “Gaslighter,”

goes hard.

Dolly Parton wants to

be on the cover of

Playboy again next year,

when she’s 75.

Love Is Blind, and you

should see it.

Poachers in Kenya

kill a rare white

giraffe and her calf.

Harvey Weinstein

reportedly suggested

Jennifer Aniston be

... killed?

Tech snafus derail

our ability to watch

Corey Feldman’s The

Rape of 2 Coreys.

Drag Race’s Sherry Pie is

accused of tricking men into

sending sometimes-

degrading audition tapes for

made-up roles.

Judge Judy

rests.

The bag ban: right

for the planet, but

damn inconvenient.

Spike Lee vs. James Dolan.

Chuck D vs. Flavor Flav.

Journey vs. their former

bassist and drummer.

The weather gets

warmer, and it’s again

impossible to find a dock

for your Citi Bike

in the East Village.

According to a study in

the journal Cell

Metabolism, Splenda

might help make you fat.

Matchy-matchy

celebrity couples.

José Parlá at the

Bronx Museum of

the Arts.

Babylon Berlin returns for

its third season, and it’s

still in German but

worth watching anyway.

Oprah pulled

My Dark Vanessa

from her

book club.

Grey’s Anatomy’s explanation

for where Alex Karev went:

He’s on a farm? With Izzie

Stevens? Where she has twins?

That were conceived with her

and Alex’s frozen embryos?

lowbrow

We weren’t

really prepared

for COVID-1 9,

were we?

ADVANCED FORM

TRANSMITTED

________ COPY ___ DD ___ AD ___ PD ___ EIC

0620BOB_Matrix_lay [Print]_36887477.indd 96 3/12/20 5:32 PM

96 newyork| march16–29, 2020

THE APPROVAL MATRIX Our deliberately oversimplified guide to who falls where on our taste hierarchies.

PHOTOGRAPHS: KREML

N.RU/W

KMED

A (PUT

N); CNN (BERN

E); GAGE SK

DMORE/W

KMED

A (B

DEN); R

CHARD TERM

NE (SU

CDE FOREST); COURTESY OF NETFL

X (KUSHNER); MARC A. HERMANN/MTA NEW YORK C

TY TRANS

T (BYFORD); FOTOGRAFÍAS-ARCH

MADR

D.ES/W

KMED

A (DOM

NGO); CHARLES BENTON,

COUR

TESY OF THE ART

ST, JTT, AND ALM

NE RE

CH (MCK

NN

SS); JOSÉ PARLÁ, COURTESY OF THE BRONX MUSEUM OF THE ARTS (PARLÁ); DEFENS

E/W

KMED

A (PR

NCE HARR

Y); CHR

SSH

PTV/TW

TTER (MARKLE); CHAD BA

TKA (ENDL

NGS

); HULU (CL

NT

ON); PRESLEY ANN/PAUL BRU

NOOGE/P

ATR

CK MCMULLAN (

ALLEN);

SAMUEL MORGAN PHOTOGRAPHY (SPR

NG BREAK

); CBS (JUDGE JUDY); KELSEY MCNEAL/ABC (KAREV); NETFL

X (BAB

YLON BERL

N); H

ROLA CONSERVAT

ON PR

OGRAMME (G

RAFFE); P

ATR

CK MCMULLAN (FELDMAN, FLA

VOR FLAV, WE

NSTE

N); MANREPELLER/

NST

AGRAM (MATCHY MATCHY); OFF

CALSP

KELEE/

NST

AGRAM

(LEE); COURTESY OF FX (DEVS); ADAM ROSE/NETFL

X (MAR

ON); TRAV

S SH

NN/W

KMED

A (

JOURNEY); VH1 (SHERRY P

E); D

XE CH

CKS/Y

OUTUBE (GASL

GHTER

); TROSM

SEK/W

KMED

A (PLAST

C BA

GS); YOUTUBE (LOVE

S BL

ND

); RAY M

CKSHA

W/FX (L

L D

CKY

).

brilliant

despicable

highbrow

PrinceHarry gets

punked...

Putinsetshimselfup

tobeinpower

longerthanStalin.

Butcanhetophis

bodycount?

JaredKushnermade

$20milliononan

investmentbecause

ofa policyhe

pushedfor.Butwhat

aboutHunterBiden?

Turnsout,AaronSchock,

theanti-gay-rightsex-

congressmanis ...gay.

Related:Hespent

campaignmoneyon

Katy Perrytickets.

PlácidoDomingo

acted

inappropriately

attheL.A.

Opera, too.

BillClintonexplains

hisdalliancewith

aninternwasto

“managemyanxieties.”

It doesn’tlooklike this

is goingtobe

Bernie’syearafter all.

Tr ainDaddy?

Whodat?Governor

Cuomoon

AndyByford:

“I didn’tworkwith

AndyByford...

I workedwithhis

higher-ups.”

Hachettethoughtit

couldsneaka Woody

Allenmemoirpast

RonanFarrow...

... Maybe readBarry

Sonnenfeld, CallYour

Mother instead.

Self-quarantine book nook

(which won’t do much for

your mood): Ben Hubbard’s

biography of MBS ...

... And Thomas

Piketty’s post-Marxist

Capital and Ideology.

EmilyKuroda,JoYang,

andWaiChingHoasthe

cranky, defiant“dirteaters”

ofEndlingsatNewYork

TheatreWorkshop.

Haruna Lee’s

unsettling Suicide

Forest at A.R.T./New

York Theatres.

JillianWalker’s

propulsiveSKiNFoLK

attheBushwickStarr.

Sam McKinniss’s

celebrity portraits at

JTT gallery.

Karla Cornejo

Villavicencio’s

well-documented

The Undocumented

Americans.

... But at least Meghan

Markle completes

her final royal

engagements in style.

The intriguingeffluviaof

the Spring/BreakArt Show,

eerilyhousedinabandoned

corporate offices

on Madison Avenue.

Diana Vreeland: Bon Mots.

Here’s one: “The quickest

way to show your age

is to try to look young.”

LilUzi Vert’s masterful

Eternal Atake, a space

opera in three parts.

MarcMaron’s new

special,End Times Fun,

jabsat the line

between bleak and

bleakly funny.

AlexGarland’sDevs

provesthatSiliconValley

is evenweirder

thanyouthought!

“Lil Dicky woke up in

Chris Brown’s body.”

TheDixieChicks’

newsingle,“Gaslighter,”

goeshard.

Dolly Parton wants to

be onthecoverof

Playboy againnextyear,

whenshe’s75.

LoveIs Blind,andyou

shouldseeit.

PoachersinKenya

killa rarewhite

giraffeandhercalf.

HarveyWeinstein

repo sted

Jen be

Techsnafusderail

ourabilitytowatch

CoreyFeldman’sThe

Rapeof 2 Coreys.

DragRace’s Sherry Pie is

accusedoftrickingmeninto

sendingsometimes-

degradingauditiontapesfor

made-uproles.

JudgeJudy

rests.

T

f

d

Spike Leevs.JamesDolan.

ChuckD vs.FlavorFlav.

Journeyvs.theirformer

bassistanddrummer.

Theweathergets

warmer, andit’s again

impossibletofindadock

foryourCitiBike

intheEastVillage.

Accordingtoa studyin

thejournalCell

Metabolism,Splenda

mighthelpmakeyoufat.

Matchy-matchy

celebritycouples.

José Parlá at the

Bronx Museum of

the Arts.

Babylon Berlin returns for

its third season, and it’s

still in German but

worth watching anyway.

Oprahpulled

MyDarkVanessa

fromher

bookclub.

Grey’sAnatomy’s explanation

forwhereAlexKarevwent:

He’s ona farm?WithIzzie

Stevens?Whereshehastwins?

Thatwereconceivedwithher

andAlex’sfrozenembryos?

lowbrow

We weren’t

really prepared

for COVID-1 9,

were we?