4 | The Writer • April 2020
eats words like “convalesce” and “paraphernalia”
for breakfast. Do not get her started on the eight
levels of adjective placement. You should have
seen her reaction to my lingering confusion
between “uninterested” and “disinterested.” (Pic-
ture the prom scene in Carrie.) And then there
was the infamous “chipotle” incident. Or as that
restaurant where I took her out for a drink listed it
on its menu: “chipolte.” Suffice it to say, my copy
editor won’t be invited back to Open Mic night.Anyway, you know the type. Yet even this woman
proved no match for the likes of you, as evi-
denced on page 92 of my 278-page book, where
the word altar blazed from the sixth line in the
third paragraph. Of course, if I had been describ-
ing a scene with communion services, or even a
human sacrifice, this might not have been a prob-
lem. But given I was describing how someone
might want to alter his life, as in change it in
small but significant ways, this proved an embar-
rassing gaffe.How do you do it? Where do you hide as we pore
(or is it pour?!) over our work? Is there a secret
portal in the headers or margins of our manu-
scripts where you and your besties hole up and
party while we read aloud each word of our
printed-out text from front to back; then from
back to beginning (after...ever...happily...lived...)?Done! Or so we think, after proofing our manu-
script for the gazillionth time. (Yes, that is a real
number, not a typo, trust me.) Time passes. OurLAST TYPO
STANDING
An open letter to the
one that got away.BY JONI B. COLE
You win. You always win.No matter what we writers do; no matter how
many times we scrutinize our final drafts, you
always manage to sneak into the published ver-
sion of our books, essays, articles, emails...You
even managed to weasel (or is it wheedle?!) your
way into a cover letter I once sent, applying for a
position as a copy editor. Oh, the irony! (Or is
that the wrong use of the word?!)I have to give you credit. Most publishers employ
(yes, employ, not employee! Stop messing with
my head!) not one but two lines of defense to pre-
vent you from slipping into our subheads and
sentences. You are up against trained copy editors
who not only scrutinize our work for misspellings
but also mistakes in word choice, style, and punc-
tuation. Then, after the copy editors give it their
all, you are pitted against proofreaders whose
entire raison d’etre is to smoke you out of our
typeset manuscripts before they are released to
the printer.I was sure, so very sure, that you had met your
match with the copy editor of my last book. SheDear Typo,