my slow year
APRIL 2020 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE 37ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK
hen I was 17, I passed my
driving test and got my first
speeding ticket a month
later. I haven’t got better with age. Just
before I started my slow journey, I was
thrown out of a speed awareness class for
not switching o my phone. Selling my
car and moving onto a canal boat that
put-puts at an average speed of four miles
an hour has been a shock to the system.
I have started dating a new man and
he is bemused by my pace. ‘Why are you
always running everywhere?’ he asks.Going, going, gone
A former soldier, he has taken early
retirement and his tempo is a lot slower
than mine. ‘Keep up,’ I laugh, and carry
on running. But, during our first trip
away together, cancelled trains meant we
needed to figure out another route home.
My new man stopped in the middle
of the station, looked at a map and began
to make a plan. ‘No, let’s just go!’ I
exclaimed impatiently.
‘But we don’t know where we are,
and we don’t know how to get where
we want to go,’ he pointed out.
I felt a wave of panic hit me. ‘Just keep
going!’ I snapped. We talked about it later.
‘You’re afraid to be lost. If you keep
going, you can pretend you’re not,’ he
observed. It’s true. My parents died whenI was a teenager and I’d never felt so lost.
Unconsciously, I adopted the strategy to
always keep moving. If I stopped, I think
I feared I might be stuck feeling those
unmanageable emotions forever.
Speeding through life and not taking
time to breathe are ways of escaping your
feelings, says Denise Pia, a psychosynthesis
therapist who specialises in grief. ‘People
use work and fast living to stop feeling
anxiety, grief and pain. Therapy allows
you to process how you feel without
thinking you will be destroyed by it.’
So much of my slow journey has
been about learning how to stop, feel
and realise there’s nothing to fear. I’m no
longer a grief-stricken teenager, but it’s
a hardwired habitual response.
I need to create a new habit, but how?
‘Self-awareness is key. When you notice
your need for speed, stop, breathe and ask
yourself what feeling you are running
away from, then allow yourself to feel it.
Notice how it comes, then goes,’ says Pia.
My new man is helping me. He holds
my hand so I have to go at his (snail’s)
pace when walking, he makes me pause
as he points out sunsets from the deck,
and he regularly asks me how I feel – and
seems genuinely interested in my answer.
He’s graduated from date to boyfriend.
I guess the real test is whether he’ll let me
drive his car... vitacounsellinglondon.co.ukW
Listen to ‘My slow year’
podcasts: Browse the
‘Psychologies’ podcast
channel on iTunes, TuneIn
and AudioBoom to hear
Suzy Walker in conversation
with various expertsNeed for speed
Suzy Walker has been galloping at a
breakneck pace for most of her life – but
what exactly is she running away from?