6 Practice B
Model conclusion:
Both social and economic benefits have been claimed for home ownership. But there is little
strong evidence to support the arguments for economic advantages. Cultural factors may well
account for the marked variations in home ownership across the developed world. It seems
possible that high rates of ownership may contribute to unemployment by making people less
willing to move, but further research is needed to establish whether this is significant. In such
a short paper, the main issues can only be outlined, and clearly there may be social reasons
for supporting wider home ownership, but the case for economic gains is harder to make.
1.11 Rewriting and Proofreading
2 Practice A
(a) Rather short (100 words) for introduction to a 2,000-word essay
(b) Some repetition of phrases and ideas (e.g. modern/today)
(c) No sources given for ideas (e.g. the inseparable relationship.. .)
(d) No specific mention of the motivation theories to be discussed
(e) No mention of which Japanese car producer will be focused on
3 Practice B
Issues:
No mention of Japanese company
Short sentences – more links needed to organise the discussion
Some repetition
Model conclusion:
It has been shown that the hierarchy of needs theory of Maslow, Herzberg’s two-factor theory
and the achievement theory of McClelland have some relevance to the motivation of British
employees, and the application of these theories has sometimes resulted in increased employee
performance. However, some limitations to the application of these theories have been
demonstrated, using the experience of the Toyota Company in its British factories. Cross-
cultural problems have arisen with regard to Japanese expectations and British attitudes to
work. Furthermore, it appears that knowledge workers need different motivation methods,
since the older theories of motivation are not always relevant to today’s workplace, where a
more up-to-date theoretical basis is needed.
4 Proofreading
(b) (i) Africa is not a country: such as Nigeria
(ii) Innocence is a noun:Young and innocent
(iii) Question mark needed: What is the optimum size for a family business?