3 Practice B
Read the draft conclusion to the same essay and decide how it could be improved.
Rewrite the conclusion.
78 Part 1: The Writing Process
motivation, focusing first on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory and Herzberg’s
two-factor theory. The second section will concentrate on evaluating the empirical
relevance of those theories to the modern workplace, by analysing the measures
taken by the Japanese car producer Toyota to motivate its British employees. This
study is confined to the period from 1998 to 2012, as these are the latest years for
which accurate data can be obtained.To conclude, it has been shown that the hierarchy of needs theory of Maslow,
Herzberg’s two-factor theory and the achievement theory of McClelland have some
relevance to the motivation of British employees. The application of these theories
has sometimes resulted in increased employee performance. Some limitations to
the application of these theories have been demonstrated. Cross-cultural problems
have arisen. Knowledge workers need different motivation methods. The older
theories of motivation are not always relevant to today’s workplace. This kind of
organisational experience needs a more up-to-date theoretical basis.4 Proofreading
(a) Proofreading means checking your work for small errors that may make it more difficult
for the reader to understand exactly what you want to say. If a sentence has only one
error:
She has no enough interpersonal skills to handle different relationships.
it is not difficult to understand, but if there are multiple errors, even though they are all
quite minor, the effect is very confusing:
As keynes, the Bitish economic, siad, ‘In the long run.. .. we are all ded’.Clearly, you should aim to make your meaning as clear as possible. Note that computer
spellchecks do not always help you, since they may ignore a word that is spelt correctly
but is not the word you meant to use:
Tow factors need to be considered...