4 July 2020 | New Scientist | 55The back pages Feedback
Fruit of the mailroom
De gustibus non est disputandum,
said the ancients. Or, to put it
another way, don’t yuck my
yum – a precept Feedback does
its best to live by. After all, what
one person enjoys eating is none
of another person’s business.
Provided, as a former New Scientist
office regulation once had it, that
it doesn’t involve reheating fish
in a communal microwave.
Occasionally, though, others
in the great wide world are less
enlightened than we are. Or,
perhaps, the gustibus turns out
to be disputandible after all.
An example of this kind crossed
our desks recently courtesy of
The Times, which reported that
a post office in the Bavarian town
of Schweinfurt had to be evacuated
when a foul smell began emanating
from a suspicious package.
Twelve workers apparently
required medical attention, and
the police and fire brigade were
summoned to deal with what was
taken to be a customs-cleared
chemical weapon.
Fortunately, as it turned out,
the source of the odour was a
batch of four durian fruits.
Without straying too far from
our guiding principles of good
taste, Feedback can confirm that
the durian has an aroma that is
apt to trouble the uninitiated.
We have, indeed, reported on
its remarkable potency before.
In 2018, we wrote about a
suspected gas leak, which prompted
the evacuation of 500 people
from a Melbourne university library,
being ultimately traceable to a
single rotting durian.Parpetrators
From one foul smell to another,
now, as The Guardian reports that
an Austrian man has been fined
for farting in the direction of
police officers in Vienna.
Eager to dispel the impression
of heavy-handedness, the police
were quick to clarify that this
wasn’t a wind breakage of the
casual, accidental kind, but – tothat they wanted the new green
space to be named Exploding
Whale Memorial Park. Odd,
certainly, but not entirely random.
In November 1970, it turns
out, a decomposing 7-tonne whale
that had beached near Florence
was deliberately blown up by
local officials, resulting in what
a local news agency referred to
as a shower of blubber chunks.
Presumably, this will be the first
experiential attraction of the new
Exploding Whale Memorial Park.Have Bean
When it comes to a crisis like
covid-19, the World Health
Organization can use all the
help it can get. Which is why,
no doubt, it partnered with the
biggest superstar at its disposal
for its latest public service
announcement. Do we have toname them, or is their identity
so obvious that we needn’t
bother? Oh all right then, fine:
it’s Mr Bean. You know – Mr Bean,
the oddly lovable klutz played by
Rowan Atkinson who was a staple
of nineties terrestrial television
as well as noughties in-flight
programming.
It is an odd choice, isn’t it, to
pick the world’s clumsiest man
to handle its most sensitive crisis.
You would think that whomever
the WHO (or should that be
WHOEVER the whom?) chose
would have a personality more
well-suited to the task.
But perhaps Feedback is passing
judgement too soon. It has been
several years since we last clapped
eyes on Mr Bean (whether on land
or in flight) and who knows what
he has been up to during that
time? Perhaps he has devoted
himself to acquiring a PhD in
immunology (part-time, no doubt,
in order to accommodate his
rigorous schedule of gurning).
Dr Bean. Now there’s a name
that inspires confidence.Where in the world
It seems to us that, over the
past few months, Feedback has
namechecked every individual,
living or dead, whose name had
any kind of link to their profession,
residence, hobbies or fate. Which
is no doubt why our readers
have taken to branching beyond
nominative determinism in
people to exploring nominative
determinism in places. God help us.
“I thought you might be (slightly)
amused to know that the fertility
clinic which opened in Wickford,
Essex a year or so ago is aptly
named ‘Bourn Hall’, ” writes Tony
Budd, while regular Feedbackee
Barry Cash points us to the long
and storied history of police stations
around the world supposedly
located on “Letsby Avenue”.
We look forward with ever
mounting pleasure to our upcoming
secondment to No More Nominative
Determinism Crescent, N0 RLY. ❚Written by Gilead Amitcrib The Guardian’s translation –
“a massive intestinal wind
apparently with full intent”.
So what offence does that count
as, Feedback wonders – possession
with intent to distribute?Whale fail
If nothing else, you would think
that the saga of Boaty McBoatface
would have taught public relations
teams a valuable lesson. If you
decide to let something’s name
be chosen by a popular vote,
then prepare to never be able
to say its name with a straight
face ever again.
The latest victims of this trend
are the city elders of Florence on
the coast of Oregon. Having decided
to crowdsource the name of a new
park, they opened the vote to
residents and let the people speak.
What they spoke, apparently, wasGot a story for Feedback?
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