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July 2020 | REDONLINE.CO.UKSEX
PHO
TOG
RAPHY:^
UNSPL
ASH/AVA^
SOLW
orking from home as a freelance writer can be a lonely life.
There’s no office drinks on a Friday night and when my router
packs up, I can’t call Max in IT to fix it. It does have its perks,
however. I like the fact my commute is from my kitchen to
my desk in the sitting room and, as a writer, I’m fairly solitary
by nature. But another upside of WFH, and one people rarely
mention, is that when I’m bored or distracted, I have the
added perk of mid-afternoon masturbation.
When I posted about this on my Instagram, pointing out that
it’s probably a better, faster, cheaper form of
self-care than any number of spa trips, long
walks in the country or expensive scented
candles, it got more engagement than any
number of the cute pictures I post of my
kids on their Shetland pony in our kitchen.
I prefer to use the word ‘wank’ since there’s
an immediacy to it that suits the action, and
‘masturbation’ is more clinical and hands off,
which is the last thing I want to be when I’m
considering some sexual self-care. Mine
usually has to be fast: I rarely allow myself
a long session of self-pleasure, so sometimes
I watch a small amount of (feminist) porn, but
at other times my hunger is such that I don’t
need to. The high level of engagement with
my Instagram post reminded me that while
we might giggle a little self-consciously at the
idea of the pleasures and benefits of wanking,
it’s also something that almost all of us do,
and enjoy, from time to time. I’m in a
relationship, so sex with my husband is there
if I want it, but he doesn’t work at home and is often away, and anyway, there are moments when
wanking, more than sex, acts as a faster, more satisfying manifestation of my sexual hunger.
Admitting to sexual desire, let alone satisfying that desire yourself, remains taboo. I am also
a parent, and I know that there’s almost something subversive about a mother expressing a sexual
appetite. As mothers, society wants us to be clean, calm, ordered and good at crafts. Expressing a
desire for sex, the very thing that got those children in the first place, is, bizarrely, vaguely rebellious.
Female sex toys have been around for thousands of years – there are rumours that dildos existed
in caveman times, and the first take-home personal vibrator was created in 1902. Still, there have
been far more examples of men masturbating in pop culture than women. Even today, decades after
Sex And The City brought The Rabbit on to our screens, the fact that Fleabag pleasuring herself whilewatching an Obama speech was such a talking point shows that it’s still a very rare sight.
Of course, Instagram might not be the place for most people to discuss sex, but admitting to
sexual impulses can be liberating. Sex is a way to feel happier; sometimes I think of desire as a
positive energy which comes and goes in my life. It’s not always there, but when it is, I know I feel
more alive, more creative, more human. It’s like a fundamental expression of the fact I’m alive today.
Masturbation is a way of satisfying that desire, and although it has slightly furtive
connotations, if we felt more relaxed about it, we might be happier, too. Certainly, equating it
with a form of easy self-care might lift some of the shame associated with it. In a world where
simple pleasures really matter, surely this is one in its purest form?
Follow Clover on Instagram @clover.stroudMasturbation
is a form of
sexual self-care,
says Clover
Stroud. So why
don’t more of
us admit we
do it?Afternoon
delight
‘Admitting to sexual impulses can be liberating’