Baby&ToddlerMEETTHE
EXPERTRebecca Schrag
Hershberg is a
clinical psychologist,
author of The
Tantrum Survival
Guide (£11.99,
Guilford Press), and
a mum of two;
littlehousecalls.com
Leaving the houseWHY THE DRAMA?
‘Children usually have to leave
the house because there is
something that their grown-up
wants (or has) to do,’ says
Rebecca. ‘They need to leave
for work or to get to the shops.
So, right away this situation
carries the potential for a
conflict of desires. Your toddler
wants to stay and play with his
blocks, while you want to go out.’
And there’s another reason
why this shift from the indoors
out can cause a meltdown.
‘When adults leave the house,
we do lots of things on auto-
pilot,’ says Rebecca. ‘We put on
our shoes and zip up our coats,
and grab what we need without
having to really think about it.
But, for toddlers, these aren’t
auto-pilot actions, they’re
challenging tasks. They need to
think about each step and they
want to do it for themselves.’
Each task takes time. Parents
get frustrated. The toddler picks
up on the frustration and gets
upset... ‘Add into that mix
children who dislike change
or who are extra-sensitive to
sensory experiences – changes
in temperature or loud noises- and it starts to become clear
why leaving the house can be a
big operation,’ says Rebecca.
SOOTHING STEPS...
● Plan ahead!
If you know you have to leave
the house at a particular time,
start the getting-ready process
a good 15 minutes before
you need to be out the door.
That one, simple change will
help reduce your stress about
being late. And if you’re relaxed,
your youngster is less likely to
get worked up, too.
‘If you can go at your child’s
pace (aka very slowly), without
getting grumpy, it makes leaving
the house much smoother,’ says
Rebecca. ‘So, before trying to
bundle him into his coat andrush him out of the door, ask
yourself: do I really need to
hurry? If you don’t, just remind
yourself that when your child
takes 10 minutes to put his shoes
on (and then they’re on the
wrong feet), it doesn’t matter!
Bigger picture: he’s building his
motor skills and you’re there to
cheer him on.’
● Play Are You Ready, Teddy?
Toddlers love to do what you do- so use this to your advantage
when you need to get out of the
house. Buy a teddy with a little
outfit – coat and shoes. Then,
ask your toddler to get his teddy
ready, while you’re getting him
ready. So, while he’s pulling on
teddy’s shoes, you get his onto
his feet. Everyone’s ready,
everyone’s happy!
● Unleash your inner
Ariana Grande
Singing makes any activity
easier – because your toddler
will enjoy it and it has a relaxing
effect on you. Try changing the
lyrics to nursery rhymes to suit
the ‘going out’ vibe...
Twinkle, twinkle little shoes
Oh, how well they fit on you!
Down below your feet they sit
Round your toes and heels
they slip
Twinkle, twinkle little shoes
Oh, they look so good on you!
● Jump the doorstep
If your little one takes time to
feel comfortable outside after
being inside, help to ease the
transition by jumping him over
the doorstep. You go outside
first, turn around, take his hands
and see how high he can jump
to get out. ‘That skin-to-skin
contact helps to reassure him,
while the jumping distracts him
from the fact that he’s going
outdoors,’ says Rebecca.
● Play Softly, Softly, Shoes-on
Another fun way to distract your
toddler into getting ready is to
set him a challenge. ‘If I close my
eyes, can you get your shoes on
without me hearing you?’