I
f ell out of love with
Forza Horizon 4 after,
presumably broken by
a magazine deadline, I
became convinced I
should try to climb the ranked
multiplayer ladder. This is despite
not enjoying ranked multiplayer’s
finicky team-based game modes
and race types. The whole thing
was such a singularly miserable
experience that I stopped playing
the game entirely.I’m returning now to check out the
first expansion, and also because it’s
petty to hold a grudge over a game
mode that I optionally inflicted upon
myself. Forza Horizon 4’s first DLC
map, Fortune Island, proves to be a
bit of a disappointment. The titular
fortune is earned by solving
occasional riddles that lead to chests
containing a fat stack of credits. In a
game that gifts you a goddamn house,
more free shit is less enthralling than,
for instance, Forza Horizon 3’s Hot
Wheels island – a magical playground
of bright orange loop-de-loops.
Nevertheless, going back also
reminds me why I loved the game inthe first place. This is how I find
myself jostling for position in a ’90s
estate car, trying to navigate its boxy
frame through the narrow streets of
Ambleside. Each week, Forza
Horizon 4 sets a new challenge
focused around a specific car. This
week is the turn of the 1997 Volvo
850 R. My first job is to win four
circuit races. I head to the nearest
icon, and put this 240BHP
monstrosity through its paces.
As ’90s estates go, the 850 R is
decidedly nippy. Almost sporty. Slaps
roof of car. This bad boy can fit so
much deceptive performance in it.
The problem is my opponents are not
driving estates. They’re in the
394BHP ‘03 BMW M5 or the
450BHP Audi RS 6. I lose the race.TUNE UP
It’s time to get under the hood. Forza
Horizon 4 has extensive tuning
options, and while I have no idea
what I’m doing, other players can
upload their own custom tunes. I find
one conveniently titled ‘Forzathon’,
suggesting it was made specifically
for this challenge.
The difference is immediate, and
by the end of the first lap I’ve taken
the lead. Despite the extra speed, this
thick chunk of vehicle manoeuvres
well. I easily win my four races. Have
I actually achieved anything? No. I
just copied someone else’s work. But
I also made a Volvo fly through a
small Cumbrian village, and that has
to count for something.and fish.” I swim face-first into a
dolphin (famously a mammal). The
tutorial seems keen to leave before I
ask anything awkward, like ‘What if I
spawned at the bottom of the sea?’
“There’s too much to hope to
cover in a simple tutorial,” it says, “so
get out there and explore the wide
world of Atlas. Share your
experiences with friends, and most of
all,” – I never find out what the most
of all is because the tutorial text box
is too short by one line so all you can
see are the very tops of some letters.
But then all the swimming means
I’ve levelled up. If I can just spawn,
swim and die enough times I’ll be
able to increase my stamina enough
to make landfall (maybe)! Stamina is
a sticking point because I can only
swim so far before it runs out, and,
without any solid ground to stand
still on and recuperate, I’ll slowly
drown. Luckily a level 19 shark
chooses that moment to turn up and
put me out of my misery.
BATTERED FISH
On the third swim I get into a
fistfight with a hammerhead shark.
The hammerhead shark does not like
the fistfight and kills me immediately.
On the seventh swim I punch a sea
bass but the sea bass regenerates its
health faster than I can punch. I end
up with broken bones and drown. On
the 10th and 12th swims I spawn in a
white expanse of nothing beneath a
skybox and fall through the bottom of
the world.
But on the 16th swim the game
betrays me. I spawn on an island. AN
ISLAND. I am furious. If I’m going to
double down on an idiotic challenge
that no one asked me to undertake, I
demand that I be allowed to finish it!
Then a manta ray slides out of the
sea, headbutts the beach and rolls
onto its back. It’s killed itself in the
effort to reach land. What an idiot.
PHIL SAVAGE
THIS MONTH
Returned to the ’90s.ALSO PLAYED
Destiny 2Falling back in love withFORZA HORIZON 4.
“Have I actually
achieved anything?”
THE GAMES WE LOVE RIGHT NOW
NOW PLAYING
All you slightly more impressive
cars are going down.One of my
many deaths