J\ppemliixJ\ ITheProcessofAcademicWriting 277
FollowingarethecOlTectionsthestudentmade.
Sentencestructure
- Thisstudentknowsthatoneofherwritingproblemsissentencesthatare
sometimestooshort,soshetriedtofindwaystolengthenhershort
sentencesinthisparagraph.
- SheaddedWhentheyfirstarriveintheUnitedStatestosentence2.
- Shecombinedsentences3 and4.
- Shecombinedsentences 11 and12.
- Shecrossedoutthreewordsinsentence1 andchangedsittinginhiscar
drivingupa walltodrivinghiscarupa wallinsentence 14 tomakethese
sentencesmoreconcise.
Coherence
- ItwasnotclearwhoTheyrefelTedtoinsentence7 (Americansor
internationalstudents?),soshechangedit toInternationalstudents.
Grammar
- Thisstudentknowsthatsheoccasionallymakesmistakeswithverbsand
omitssubjects,soshecheckedcarefullyfortheseproblems.
- Sheneededtocorrectdoesn'tinsentence4 andhaveinsentence6.
- Sheneededtoaddtheyinsentence7 andItinsentence8.
Mechanics
- Thestudentwriterfoundtwospellingerrorsandaddeda missingcomma.
- Shealsoeliminatedcontractions.
Vocabulary
- Insentence10,becausecatchtheirmeaningis notstandardEnglishand
becauseshedidnotwanttousethewordmeaninginconsecutive
sentences,shechangedthephrasetounderstandthem.
- Insentence11,slangis uncountable,soshecrossedoutthe-so
9.Insentence12,peopleis notveryspeCific.Nonnativespeakersismore
appropriate.
10.Intheconcludingsentenceshedidnotwanttorepeatthephraseverbal
skills,soshewroteverbalabilitiesinstead.
Thenthestudentwrotethefinalcopytohandin.
EditingPractice.
Byyourself,witha partner,orina group,editthefollowingseconddraft.Suggestor
malceimprovementstothesentencestructure,andCOlTectanymistakesyoufindin
grammar,punctuation,andmechanics.Lookforinconectsentencestructure(sentence
fragmentsandrun-ons)andplacestocombineshortsentences.Lookforsubject-verb
agreementenorsandverbtenseenors.Lookformissingaliic1es(a,an,the)andother
