Persuasive Communication - How Audiences Decide. 2nd Edition

On August 5, 1977, New York State became the first state in the United States to enact a

general-purpose plain English law. The impetus for the new law was a plain English loan

agreement form introduced earlier that same year by Citibank (then First National City Bank).

Understandably, the bank’s attorneys and upper management were initially skeptical of the

new form, as shown on p. 147. But when the bank finally approved it, TV and the national

press saw its introduction as a major event. A bill was soon on the governor’s desk requiring

all consumer contracts in New York to be modeled on the new Citibank form. Within a few

months, the plain English bill was signed into law.

What effect did the new loan agreement form have on the bank and its customers? Both

benefited. A survey of more than 100 borrowers found that they believed the original version,

as shown on p. 146, contained too much information, had too much small print, was format-

ted in a confusing way, and was hard to read. In contrast, the borrowers said the revised form

was written in a more specific and precise style, that it gave a good breakdown of information,

and that it was easy to read.

The survey also showed the borrowers believed that banks using the two versions would

be radically different. In addition, four out of five borrowers surveyed expressed positive feel-

ings about borrowing from a bank using the new form. They also expressed interest in using

the bank’s other services. 1

4 Aids to Audience Decision Making