8.1. Business Documents http://www.ck12.org
(or two stories for a longer essay). It is the use of detailed stories that will make your application interesting to
admissions officers. Simply writing that you like science and thus want to be a biologist doesn’t show how you are
unique. However, if you tell the story of how you discovered your love of plant-life working on your grandfather’s
farm over a summer during high school, you will stand out to admissions officers. In addition, telling a personal
story will make your voice stand out in your essay–writing about a subject that is both important and familiar to you
will allow you to let more of who you are come across to your reader.
Rule 3: Make your stories relevant.
We’ve gone over using a story or two to make yourself stand out. However, telling a story to address an application
essay prompt also means that you will need to show your readers why that story is relevant. Thus,always connect
your story to the prompt. Provide enough detail so that anyone reading your story will understand why it is significant
and how it makes you stand out. However, you should also be careful about providing too much detail. Only relate
what is significant to your main point and of interest to your reader. The people who review personal statements
have to go through thousands of them, so one of the worst things you can do is be redundant.
For example, if the prompt asks you about an important learning experience in your life, you might want to write
about when you volunteered as a reader at your local library. You could describe that before that point you had never
considered working with children, but that watching the kids learn to read was an important experience. At this
point, you could insert a story about a specific child you worked with, explaining how the two of you made a special
connection. After telling this story, you could relate it back to the prompt by explaining that through this experience,
you learned you wanted to become a teacher, and are thus applying to college to earn your degree in elementary
education.
Rule 4: Pick an overarching theme.
If the application essay directions ask for a longer essay, you will likely have to tell two or three stories in your
writing in order to provide your reader a broad overview of who you are. However, just because your stories show a
big picture of who you are does not mean that they can’t be related—after all, a personal statement should focus on
showing your personal growth or achievements. When you include multiple stories, make sure that you connect them
with an overarching theme. For instance, you might include a story about your time working at an animal shelter
and one about the time you taught your younger brother how to ride a bike. These stories might seem completely
unrelated, but you can focus each one on how you are very caring, which is an important personality trait for the
pre-nursing program you are applying for.
Rule 5: Do not exceed the word count.
If the prompt lists a maximum word count, do not go over it. The word count not only keeps the length of your
paper in check, it also shows that you can follow directions. College admission officers have to read through a lot
of essays each year, and they sometimes use the word count to eliminate students who do not follow directions. You
don’t want yours being thrown aside because it went over the word limit.
Rule 6: Remember what is appropriate in your statement of purpose.
Finally, you should avoid discussing money as a motivator, complaining about unfortunate circumstances in your
life, and preaching to your reader. You should also be careful when writing about your race, religion, sexuality, or
class unless you connect these issues to your overarching theme. Although these issues can make for a compelling
essay, they can easily shift the reader’s focus from you as a person and overshadow the essay. Thus, if you discuss
any of these issues, make sure they actively highlight an experience of learning, personal growth, or achievement.
Sample Statement of Purpose
Prompt: We have all had heroes in our lives. A hero can be a parent, a teacher, a friend, or anyone who inspired us.
In 700 words or less, write about a situation in which you met one of your heroes.
Last year, I spent two months as a camp counselor at a music summer camp. I worked with many students, most of
whom were around nine to twelve years old. However, one boy, Andy, stood out from the rest. From the very first
day, I could tell that he would be trouble. I figured he had been sent unwillingly to camp and was just upset he had to