86 VegNews SUMMER 2019
but three years after my move, there we
were: me, my new partner, and Elvis.
What on earth had compelled me
to elope in Las Vegas? Well, for one,
there was the unrivaled vegan food
scene which had, in recent years, made
Sin City call my name—a luscious
setting that seemed an ideal backdrop
for any commitment ceremony. But
more than that was that the sweet
partnership I found myself in—a year
in the making by the time I said “I do”
at a queer-owned chapel near the Strip
holding both a vegetable bouquet and
my rescued chihuahua—to a bow-tie-
wearing butch who had been vegan
even longer than me and knew an
impressive amount of show tunes.
We had ultimately decided to wed
only days prior, which might sound
ludicrous to those who toil about
the decision, but I assure you that I
take marriage very seriously, and my
choice to swap nuptials again was by
no means rash. Sure, we were in love,
but that had pretty much nothing to do
with our decision to be legally referred
to as family. In short, I got married
again because, thanks to the time I
spent doubled-over in pain from the
dissolution of my first marriage, I finally
understood that there was only person
I’d ever be able to really count on: me.Love me tender
It might sound antithetical that a
realization as seemingly simple as this
would push me into another marriage,
but for me it was key. Only when I
approached my romantic relationshipfrom a place of real autonomy was I able
to authentically open myself up to love
and trust once again. It took a roundabout
way for me to get to this realization (I
partly blame the illusion those dastardly
Disney movies embedded in my early
development), but for the first time, I was
approaching a connection from a place of
groundedness, not clamoring.
With true self-reliance intact for the
first time, I can now pause, take inventory,
and make choices based on my own best
interests. This is not dissimilar from when
I went vegan, 16 years ago. Prior to that,
I was eating foods without knowing where
they came from, and without asking
myself whether consuming these animal-
based foods was in alignment with my
best self and worldview. Only when I
stopped this mindless consumption
and went vegan did I actually begin to
embrace my authentic self. It was the
greatest decision I have ever made.All shook up
Love works similarly. If I was showing up
in a relationship in a way that was at odds
with my truth—such as doing backbends
to stay in something that didn’t ultimately
suit my fundamental needs, or giving up
my beautiful mermaid tail just because
I was horny or whatever—then I’d
probably wind up divorced again some
day. It took the shattering pain of a love
lost to come to terms with these things,
proving that at least there was a benefit to
those sleepless nights when I was trying
to figure out what the hell had happened
to my life (side note: never underestimateI Do ... Don’t I?
So you’ve decided to get hitched.
Congratulations! But before you
exchange vows, be sure you
have the following.A pre-nup
Not necessarily the sexiest conversation
you’ll ever have, but don’t forget
that a marriage is also a business
arrangement. Just do it, seriously.Some years
under your belt
Live a little before you agree to
spend the rest of your life with someone.
One of the best ways to get to know
yourself is through being single; another
great way is by going through break-ups
and understanding the fundamental
needs you require in a relationship.A life outside
your relationship
Be sure to have independent hobbies,
friends, and support circles.A sense of humor
Don’t take yourself or your relationship
issues too seriously. Partnerships are
supposed to be enjoyed; whenever
possible, let things go.A shared worldview
For me, that means veganism, which
I have been lucky to share with both
my former and current spouse.Big love, sexual
compatibility, and
romantic connection
Last but not least, ask yourself if
you like how you feel when you are
around your significant other. It’s not all
that matters, but if you don’t have
a strong and solid connection,
you might need to reconsider
the scope of your relationship.