Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

gloss shining, your eyes seductively made up, and your hair—
whether it’s blown out, in a weave, or natural—is lovely, and
your body gleaming. I cannot tell you the fulfillment we have
in knowing that we’ve secured your time. And to be seen in
public with you is a bonus; it’s all the affirmation we need. The
payment is incredible.
Hugging? Payment.
Kissing? Payment.
You getting dressed up? Payment.
Going out with us? Payment.
Exchanging explicit e-mails? Payment.
But if he wants to sleep with you—make babies and have a
family? Those are benefits.
So he’s got ninety days on the job to prove himself worthy—
ninety days in which you can figure this man out. You’re an
investigator—can’t nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y’all
put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they
show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons
on Sesame Street. You know how to find stuff out about a man
he may not have even known about himself. So get to it. Create
some scenarios so you can figure out just who this guy is, and
whether he’s good enough for your benefits. Here are a few
things you might want to find out.