RD201902

ago. To prove her point,

when they got married,

they decided to blend

their last names into

one.

Still, they’ve had their

struggles, and the most

recent one may be the

most monumental. This

year’s Valentine’s Day is

the first on which they

won’t be living together.

Paul, 54, is coping with

early-stage dementia,

an illness that affects

many with his condition at a relatively

young age. Several months ago, the

state moved him into a community

residence with intensive nursing care.

“When they told me, I started to cry,”

said Kris, who still lives in their cozy

apartment in Liverpool, New York,

a suburb of Syracuse. “He’s my life. I

don’t want to be without him.”

Their family worked hard to keep

them together. They believe that Kris

and Paul deserve the chance to make

the same decisions as any couple

when one partner faces dementia.

“They should define their own lives,”

Susan Scharoun, Kris’s sister, told

To d a y. “They know what is good for

them.”

When the New York State Office

for People with Developmental Dis-

abilities determined that Paul could

not stay in the couple’s home, the

family petitioned. They even found

a new apartment that met the state’s

standards and was more easily ac-

cessible for Paul. At first, the state

agreed—a huge victory—but Paul’s

condition continued to deteriorate.

By that time he was using a wheel-

chair and required round-the-clock

care. The state decided he needed to

move to the facility after all.

The couple was disappointed

but not daunted. Kris visits Paul

regularly, and they spend week-

ends together at Scharoun’s house,

where Kris still cooks for her groom.

“They have an unconditional love,”

Scharoun said. “They totally comple-

ment each other.”

The ongoing quest to keep them

together reminds Lorraine DeForge,

Paul’s mother, of all the obstacles her

son has overcome. With help from his

seven brothers and sisters, he mas-

tered the bus service in Syracuse. He

28 february 2019

Reader’s Digest

courtesy kris and paul scharoun-deforge

Kris fell in love with Paul at first sight,

more than 30 years ago: “He’s my life.”