RDUSA201905

On a Facebook page for beginning

artists, one asked, “Any suggestions for

painting dogs?” Another responded,

“Wait till they’re asleep.”

—Lynette Combs Norfolk, Virginia

received a postcard

from the doctor’s office.

It read, “Mr. Crocker,

you are just fine!”

—Cathy Crocker

Fort Worth, Texas

Living in rural Minne-

sota, I find driving

through crowded

Got a funny story

about friends or fam-

ily? It could be worth

$$$. For details, go to

rd.com/submit.

Minneapolis difficult.

“I have trouble figuring

out when to turn

and what lane to be

in,” I complained to

my grandson.

His wife could

commiserate. “I know

what you mean,” she

said. “I never know

THE MIDDLE AGES

A recent survey found that “investing in decent cutlery and enjoying a

garden center” are signs that you’re officially middle-aged. Here are other

ways to tell that you’ve reached the halfway point:

✦“Do you know what it’s like being

over 40? It’s like being a day-old

helium balloon. You’re not in the

sky anymore—and you’re

not quite on the floor.”

—Noel Fielding

comedian

✦“Middle age is when

you recognize the classic

rock songs that have been

turned into elevator music.”

—@BeansandBells

(emma nicholls)

✦“Middle age: When you choose

your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.”

—@KitchenSprout (kimberly toureiro)

✦“My body is like an old car.

Every time I sneeze, cough, or

sputter, either my radiator leaks

or my exhaust backfires.”

—@DesyMckee

✦“Being over 40 is like the movie

Speed, but you can’t drop below

600 mg of ibuprofen in your system.”

—@seamussaid (seamus o’flaugherty)

at which cornfield to

turn when we come

to visit you.”

—Janet Krogfus

Granite Falls, Minnesota

My snack got lost in

my purse, so I guess

I’m on a diet now.

—@msgwenl

rd.com 17

Reader’s Digest

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