Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

“That was unkind of me.”
“I showed you no respect.”
“I gave you no dignity, and I'm deeply sorry.”
“I embarrassed you in front of your friends and I had no call to do that. Even
though I wanted to make a point, I never should have done it. I apologize.”
It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of one's
heart rather than out of pity. A person must possess himself and have a deep
sense of security in fundamental principles and values in order to genuinely
apologize.
People with little internal security can't do it. It makes them too vulnerable.
They feel it makes them appear soft and weak, and they fear that others will take
advantage of their weakness. Their security is based on the opinions of other
people, and they worry about what others might think. In addition, they usually
feel justified in what they did. They rationalize their own wrong in the name of
the other person's wrong, and if they apologize at all, it's superficial.
“If you're going to bow, bow low,” say Eastern wisdom. “Pay the uttermost
farthing,” says the Christian ethic. To be a deposit, an apology must be sincere.
And it must be perceived as sincere.
Leo Roskin taught, "It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be
expected from the strong.
I was in my office at home one afternoon writing, of all things, on the subject
of patience. I could hear the boys running up and down the hall making loud
banging noises, and I could feel my own patience beginning to wane.
Suddenly, my son David started pounding on the bathroom door, yelling at
the top of his lungs, “Let me in! Let me in!”
I rushed out of the office and spoke to him with great intensity. “David, do
you have any idea how disturbing that is to me? Do you know how hard it is to
try to concentrate and write creatively? Now you go into your room and stay in
there until you can behave yourself.” So in he went, dejected, and shut the door.
As I turned around, I became aware of another problem. The boys had been
playing tackle football in the four-foot-wide hallway, and one of them had been
elbowed in the mouth. He was lying there in the hall, bleeding from the mouth.
David, I discovered, had gone to the bathroom to get a wet towel for him. But
his sister, Maria, who was taking a shower, wouldn't open the door.
When I realized that I had completely misinterpreted the situation and had
overreacted, I immediately went in to apologize to David.
As I opened the door, the first thing he said to me was, “I won't forgive you.”
“Well, why not, honey?” I replied. “Honestly, I didn't realize you were trying
to help your brother. Why won't you forgive me?”