the_debt_of_time

slept with over the years—or let them touch him like this. She thought of her older Sirius
who had spent twelve years in Azkaban, a year on the run, one more imprisoned inside
Grimmauld Place, and then alone, trapped inside the veil. Had he ever known any kindness
or gentleness apart from his friends?
It broke her heart to think about.
"I have to keep you safe too," she whispered when he turned his face into her hand,
kissing her palm.
She thought of him falling off his broom over the edge of the Quidditch stands,
lying broken in the hospital wing. She thought of an older Sirius trapped in a cell, waiting
for the Dementor's Kiss. She thought of pulling Sirius from the veil and feeding him potion
after potion to make sure he survived the ritual. She thought of throwing herself over his
body as Death Eaters tortured him while Voldemort turned the Elder Wand on her.
"You don't understand, Mia." Sirius sighed, looking pained. "I have to keep you
safe... even if it's from me."
"You would never hurt me," she reminded him firmly.
"No, but my family would." He looked up at her. "And until I know that they won't
be a problem... I don't know what I could ever be to you. I'm not good for you. I'm not
much good at all."
"You are a good man, Sirius Black!" she snapped, pulling his face into her hands to
kiss him soundly on the mouth as if she could force him to take back his words.
"One day, maybe," he said as he pulled away from her, "but in the meantime... I
can't."
"Then what was tonight about?"
"Me lacking any form of self-control." Sirius laughed sadly, putting his head in his
hands. "Merlin, it's like the same feeling deep down inside of me makes me want to keep
you safe but also makes me need you. Fuck. Mia, you have no idea the things I want to do
to you."
She took in a sharp breath that hitched in her throat, her cheeks warming over.
Sirius groaned. "That's not helping by the way. The sounds you make, and the colour
of your skin... Bloody hell, I could smell you all night."
Mia scrunched up her nose, grimacing slightly. "I really wish you and Remus would
stop doing that."