Emotional problems are irrational, meaning they cannot be reasoned with.
And this brings us to even worse news: emotional problems can only have
emotional solutions. It’s all up to the Feeling Brain. And if you’ve seen how
most people’s Feeling Brains drive, that’s pretty fucking scary.
Meanwhile, while all this is going on, the Thinking Brain is sitting in the
passenger seat imagining itself to be totally in control of the situation. If the
Feeling Brain is our driver, then the Thinking Brain is the navigator. It has
stacks of maps to reality that it has drawn and accumulated throughout life. It
knows how to double back and find alternate routes to the same destination. It
knows where the bad turns are and where to find the shortcuts. It correctly
sees itself as the intelligent, rational brain, and it believes that this somehow
privileges it to be in control of the Consciousness Car. But, alas, it doesn’t. As
Daniel Kahneman once put it, the Thinking Brain is “the supporting character
who imagines herself to be the hero.”^17
Even if sometimes they can’t stand each other, our two brains need each
other. The Feeling Brain generates the emotions that cause us to move into
action, and the Thinking Brain suggests where to direct that action. The
keyword here is suggests. While the Thinking Brain is not able to control the
Feeling Brain, it is able to influence it, sometimes to a great degree. The
Thinking Brain can convince the Feeling Brain to pursue a new road to a
better future, to pull a U-turn when it has made a mistake, or to consider new
routes or territories once ignored. But the Feeling Brain is stubborn, and if it
wants to go in one direction, it will drive that way no matter how many facts
or data the Thinking Brain provides. Moral psychologist Jonathan Haidt
compares the two brains to an elephant and its rider: the rider can gently steer
and pull the elephant in a particular direction, but ultimately the elephant is
going to go where it wants to go.^18
The Clown Car
The Feeling Brain, as great as it is, has its dark side. In the Consciousness
Car, your Feeling Brain is like a verbally abusive boyfriend who refuses to
pull over and ask for directions—he hates being told where to go and he will
absolutely make you fucking miserable if you question his driving.
In order to avoid these psychological kerfuffles, and to maintain a sense of
hope, the Thinking Brain develops a tendency to draw maps explaining or
justifying where the Feeling Brain has already decided it wants to go. If the
Feeling Brain wants ice cream, instead of contradicting it with facts about
processed sugar and excess calories, your Thinking Brain decides, “You know
what, I worked hard today. I deserve some ice cream,” and your Feeling Brain
responds with a sense of ease and satisfaction. If your Feeling Brain decides