Everything Is F*cked

NEWTON’S    THIRD   LAW OF  EMOTION

Your Identity Will Stay Your Identity Until a New Experience Acts

Against It

Here’s a common sob story. Boy cheats on girl. Girl is heartbroken. Girl
despairs. Boy leaves girl, and girl’s pain lingers for years afterward. Girl feels
like shit about herself. And in order for her Feeling Brain to maintain hope,
her Thinking Brain must pick one of two explanations. She can believe either
that (a) all boys are shit or (b) she is shit.^29

Well, shit. Neither of those is a good option.
But she decides to go with option (a), “all boys are shit,” because, after
all, she still has to live with herself. This choice isn’t made consciously, mind
you. It just kind of happens.^30

Jump ahead a few years. Girl meets another boy. This boy isn’t shit. In
fact, this boy is the opposite of shit. He’s pretty rad. And sweet. And cares.
Like, really, truly cares.

But girl is in a conundrum. How can this boy be real? How can he be
true? After all, she knows that all boys are shit. It’s true. It must be true; she
has the emotional scars to prove it.

Sadly, the realization that this boy is not shit is too painful for girl’s
Feeling Brain to handle, so she convinces herself that he is, indeed, shit. She
nitpicks his tiniest flaws. She notices every errant word, every misplaced
gesture, every awkward touch. She zeroes in on his most insignificant
mistakes until they stand bright in her mind like a flashing strobe light
screaming, “Run away! Save yourself!”

So, she does. She runs. And she runs in the most horrible of ways. She
leaves him for another boy. After all, all boys are shit. So, what’s trading one
piece of shit for another? It means nothing.

Boy is heartbroken. Boy despairs. The pain lingers for years and morphs
into shame. And this shame puts the boy in a tough position. Because now his
Thinking Brain must make a choice: either (a) all girls are shit or (b) he is
shit.

Our values aren’t just collections of feelings. Our values are stories.

When    our Feeling Brain   feels   something,  our Thinking    Brain   sets    to  work