Think of how differently Martha and Chad would be feeling if,
instead of getting defensive, Chad had apologized to Martha and
acknowledged that he had been feeling so overwhelmed at work that
he really had forgotten about her mother's imminent visit. Or if, after
this row, Chad had attempted some repair. Martha might still have
been upset, but she wouldn't have felt devalued by Chad. If he had
listened to her vent her anger without being defensive or belligerent,
she might have calmed down. Then together they could have come
up with a solution to the problem.
Accepting influence doesn't mean never expressing negative
emotions toward your partner. Marriages can survive plenty of
flashes of anger, complaints, even criticisms. Trying to suppress
negative feelings in your spouse's presence wouldn't be good for
your marriage or your blood pressure. The problem comes when
even mild dissatisfaction on the wife's part is met by a barrage from
her husband that, instead of toning down or at the most matching her
degree of negativity (yelling back, complaining, etc.), goes beyond it.
The wives of men who accept their influence are farThe wives of men who accept their influence are farThe wives of men who accept their influence are farThe wives of men who accept their influence are far
less likely to be harsh with their husbands whenless likely to be harsh with their husbands whenless likely to be harsh with their husbands whenless likely to be harsh with their husbands when
broaching a difficult marital topic.broaching a difficult marital topic.broaching a difficult marital topic.broaching a difficult marital topic. This increThis increThis increThis increasesasesasesases
the odds their marriage will thrive.the odds their marriage will thrive.the odds their marriage will thrive. the odds their marriage will thrive.Any man who isn't sold on the need to accept his wife's
influence more should consider the many pluses. Studies have shown
that marriages where the husband resists sharing power are four
times more likely to end or drone on unhappily than marriages
where the husband does not resist. We see again and again that when
the man shares power, the four horsemen aren't so prevalent. In large
part this is because his wife is far less likely to use a harsh startup
when she's upset. Because she's not angered, frustrated, or
humiliated by her husband, she is apt to begin difficult discussions
without being critical or contemptuous.
Another reason these marriages fare so well is that they have a
firm foundation for compromising. After all, the better able you are