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husbands for one simple reason: They've had an enormous head start
in acquiring these skills. Observe children at any playground, and
you'll see that head start in action. When young boys play (usually
run-and-chase games) their priority is the game itself--not their
relationship with each other and their feelings. But for little girls,
feelings are paramount. A cry of "I'm not your friend anymore" will
stop a game cold. Whether it starts up again will depend on whether
the girls make up.
Even when a boy and girl play with the same toy the gender
difference is apparent. When four-year-old best friends Naomi and
Eric shared her baby doll she wanted to play that the doll was their
baby and they were going to show it off to their friends (relationship-
based play). He went along with this for about ten minutes, and then
the game roller-coaster into boy territory: "Hey Naomi, this baby is
dead!" he announced. "We have to get it to the hospital right away!"
He climbed into a pretend ambulance and away he went, "Brrrrrrrrr."
Naomi urged him not to drive too fast. Suddenly they both became
surgeons and saved the baby's life. (Eric wanted Naomi to be the
nurse, but she objected that girls can be surgeons too, so some things
have changed!) After the baby's life was saved, they went back to
playing Naomi's way—showing off the baby to friends.
The play styles of Naomi and Eric are equally charming and
delightful. But the plain truth is that "girlish" games offer far better
preparation for marriage and family life because they focus on
relationships. As a general rule, boys don't even include games with
relationship and domestic themes in their repertoire. Think about it:
While no preschool dress-up corner would be complete without
bridal costumes, you never see tuxedos for little pretend grooms!
Where does this difference in play styles between boys and
girls originate? Because it occurs in virtually every culture, I suspect
that it is caused mostly by biology rather than by socialization. But
whether nature or nurture is the cause of these differences, their
effect is undeniable. Because their play emphasizes social interactions
and feelings, girls undergo an extensive education into emotions by
childhood's end. Boys learn how to pitch overhand. A boy's
experience at playing cooperatively and quickly resolving conflicts
will be an asset later in the boardroom or on the construction site, but