the genders accordingly.) The more vividly you put yourself into
each situation, the more effective the exercise will be. No matter how
negative you envision your partner as sounding in these scenarios,
try to think of the negativity as her way of emphasizing how
important this issue is--not as an attack on you. In other words, try to
respond to the message, not to your partner's tone of voice. Assume
that within that message is a reasonable request with which you
could easily agree. In your notebook describe that reasonable request
in a sentence. (In some of these scenarios the demand is implied
rather than directly spoken.) Then write down what you could say to
express your cooperation. There are no right answers to these
exercises, but you'll find examples of effective responses to each of
these scenarios on pages 21122.
Example: When you come home tired from work, you like to
eat dinner and then watch TV but your wife, who works at home all
day wants to go out. One night she gets very angry and claims that
you are inconsiderate of her need to escape from the house. You say
that you are just too tired to do anything at night. She yells, "Well,
what about me? I will go crazy if I can't get out and have contact with
other people!"
Reasonable part of wife's request: To get out of the house.
You say: "I'm sorry you're going so stir crazy. What if we have a
relaxing dinner at home so I can rest, and then go out for dessert?"
- You and your wife have not been getting along lately. Part of
the problem is that you think she spends way too much money. Now
she's insisting that you undergo expensive marital counseling. You
point out that there is simply no money to pay for that until expenses
are cut somewhere else. Your wife says, "I disagree. We can't afford
not to get counseling. It's like borrowing for a needed vacation. We've
got to do it!"
Reasonable part of wife's request:
You say:- Since your wife is not working, you've asked that she clean
the house and have dinner on the table by the time you come home.