8888
Principle 5:Principle 5:Principle 5:Principle 5:
Solve Your Solvable ProblemsSolve Your Solvable ProblemsSolve Your Solvable Problems Solve Your Solvable Problems
It stands to reason that when a husband and wife respect each other
and are open to each other's point of view, they have a good basis for
resolving any differences that arise. And yet too often couples lose
their way when trying to persuade each other or settle
disagreements. A conversation that could have been productive
instead ends in a screaming match or angry silence. If this sounds like
you, and you're certain the problem you want to tackle is indeed
solvable (see Chapter 7), then the key to resolving this difficulty is to
learn a new approach to settling conflict. (The advice offered here
will also be somewhat helpful in coping with gridlocked problems,
but it won't be enough. To break the stranglehold a perpetual
problem has on your marriage, be sure to read about Principle 6,
"Overcome Gridlock," in Chapter 10.)
The popular approach to conflict resolution, advocated by
many marital therapists, is to attempt to put yourself in your
partner's shoes while listening intently to what he or she says, and
then to communicate empathetically that you see the dilemma from
his or her perspective. It's not a bad method--if you can do it. But, as
I've said, many couples can't- including many very happily married