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Below 6: Your marriage could stand some improvement in this area.
By learning how to repair your interactions when negativity engulfs
you, you can dramatically improve the effectiveness of your problem
solving and develop a more positive perspective of each other and
your marriage.

Getting the message through

As I said, the key factor in whether a repair attempt is effective is the
state of the relationship. In happy marriages, couples send and
receive repair attempts with ease. In unhappy ones, even the most
eloquent repair attempt can fall on deaf ears. But now that you know
this, you can "buck the system." You don't have to wait for your
marriage to improve before you start hearing each other's repair
attempts. Start now by focusing intently on these "brakes" and
training each other to recognize when one is sent your way. Do this,
and you can pull yourselves out of the downward cycle of negativity.

Your future together can be bright even if your Your future together can be bright even if your Your future together can be bright even if your Your future together can be bright even if your

disagreements tend to be very negative. The secret disagreements tend to be very negative. The secret disagreements tend to be very negative. The secret disagreements tend to be very negative. The secret

is learning the right kind of damage control.is learning the right kind of damage control.is learning the right kind of damage control. is learning the right kind of damage control.

One reason couples miss each other's repair attempts is that
they don't always come sugarcoated. If your spouse yells, "You're
getting off the topic!" or grumbles, "Can we take a break?" that's a
repair attempt despite the negative delivery. If you listen to your
partner's tone rather than the words, you could miss his real
message, which is "Stop! This is getting out of hand." Because repair
attempts can be difficult to hear if your relationship is engulfed in
negativity, the best strategy is to make your attempts obviously
formal in order to emphasize them. Below you'll find a long list of
scripted phrases.These are specific words you can say to your spouse
to deescalate the tension. By using them when arguments get too
negative, you'll be able to keep your discussions from spiraling out of
control. Some couples even copy this list and stick it on their
refrigerator for handy reference.