"They've been there for three days," she told him. "So I figured you
wanted to make them a permanent part of the decor."
Joanne and Greg eventually divorced, so I'm not suggesting
that the solution to housekeeping conflicts can be found at the nearest
hardware store. The point is that men often don't realize how deeply
women care about keeping their home in order. There are certainly
exceptions to the gender differences in this area, but as a general rule,
in the Odd Couple spectrum of cleanliness, women skew more
toward the fastidious Felix and men toward slovenly Oscar.
When a husband doesn't do his agreed-upon share of the
housework, the wife usually feels disrespected and unsupported.
Inevitably this leads to resentment and a less satisfying marriage.
Many husbands just don't understand why housework is such a big
deal to their wives. They may not be slackers on purpose. But many
were raised in traditional homes where their father did no
housework at all. A husband may pay lip service to the notion that
times have changed and that it isn't fair for his wife to work a second
shift when she gets home while he pops open a beer. But old ways
die hard. On some level many men still consider housework to be a
woman's job. When the husband helps, he feels he should be
applauded--but instead his wife keeps demanding he do more, which
makes him defensive and likely to do less.
A major cause of this unfortunate dynamic is that Greg, like
most men, tends to overestimate the amount of housework he does.
This has been documented by British sociologist Arm Oakley. I know
this is true in my own home. When I complain that I'm doing all of
the housework, my wife says, "Good!" because she knows that means
I'm actually doing half.
Solution By now the key to resolving this issue should be clear: Men
have to do more housework! Sometimes men shirk their
responsibility in this department due to a sheer lack of motivation.
Let's face it--no one wants to trudge out the recycling bags in the
snow. So maybe this little fact will spark a husband's enthusiasm for
domestic chores: Women find a man's willingness to do housework
extremely erotic. When the husband does his share to maintain the
home, both he and his wife report a more satisfying sex life than in