Seven naslovi

If a couple still has a functioning fondness and admiration
system, their marriage is salvageable. I'm not suggesting that the road
to reviving a marriage as troubled as Rory and Lisa's is easy But it can
be done. By using techniques like those you'll find in the pages ahead,
Rory and Lisa's therapist, Lois Abrams, showed them that they could
unearth those positive feelings even more and put them to work to
save their marriage.
Two years later everything has changed for this couple. Rory
has revised his work schedule. He trained a resident to do much of
the hospital work that he had been doing singlehandedly He now eats
dinner every night with Lisa and the children. He and Lisa also go out
together in the evenings, especially to folk dance. Despite the agony
they put each other through, Rory and Lisa saved their marriage.
Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements
in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. Although happily married
couples may feel driven to distraction at times by their partner's
personality flaws, they still feel that the person they married is
worthy of honor and respect. When this sense is completely missing
from a marriage, the relationship cannot be revived.

Learning from history

As it was with Rory and Lisa, the best test of whether a couple still
has a functioning fondness and admiration system is usually how
they view their past. If your marriage is now in deep trouble, you're
not likely to elicit much praise on each other's behalf by asking about
the current state of affairs. But by focusing on your past, you can
often detect embers of positive feelings.
Of course, some marriages do come up empty. In these
relationships the antagonism has metastasized like a virulent cancer,
even going backward in time and destroying the couple's positive
memories. We saw that sad result in the marriage of Peter and
Cynthia, who argued over washing her car. Their relationship was
ruined by his contempt and her defensiveness. When they were asked