(^) Your concern to be a constructive force in your child’s life has
been established and demonstrated as you have sought to deal with his
character in the middle years of childhood. Your shepherding now is
simply an extension of those previous roles in your child’s life.
Authority Vs. Influence
(^) One of the foundational elements of shepherding is influence.
Recall this figure from Chapter 10:
(^)
(^) Authority in this chart denotes what may be accomplished with
your child because you are stronger, faster, larger, and so forth.
Influence represents the willingness of your child to place himself
under your authority because he trusts you. Your role as an influence
is one of helping him to know his needs and be honest with himself.
(^) For example, your teenage child is impossible to live with. She is
always snapping at everyone in her way. If you are trying to wield
authority, you may lay down the law. “I don’t ever want to hear that
again ... you are grounded for the month ... you can’t talk on the
phone ... I won’t have that around my house!”
(^) By contrast, if you are seeking to influence, you will move toward
her with the gentle reproofs of life. “I see you are having a problem
with being a pleasant person. I love you and I want to help you learn
to speak in ways that are constructive.”
(^) The one approach increases the sense of alienation and drives the
teen toward associations that may be harmful. The other approach
barré
(Barré)
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