threaten, holler, hit their kids and grow increasingly frustrated.
Sometimes this is done in the name of biblical discipline. After all,
they don’t want to be permissive parents with undisciplined children.
When challenged, they often respond like this: “My Dad yelled at me.
He used to knock me around once in a while. I didn’t like it, but I
turned out okay.”
(^) What has this parent done? He has unquestioningly accepted and
employed the same method of childrearing his parents used. He has
not assessed whether it was biblical. He has not assessed whether it
had a good impact on him. He has simply drawn from his survival the
implication that it wasn’t that bad.
(^) In the example above, the “I didn’t turn out so bad” method was
confrontational and abusive. Other applications of this method may
not involve confrontation and abuse. Perhaps parents were indulgent
and permissive. Maybe they caved in and were easily manipulated.
The point is that many parents unquestioningly employ whatever
method their parents employed. When they correct their kids, they are
simply echoing their parents’ words and tones.
Pop Psychology
(^) I recently heard a talk-radio guest discuss motivating children. His
approach to the problem was bribery. In fact, he used the term bribery
to identify his method. His counsel was to make deals. Use your
power as the adult to make bribes that encourage the behavior you
desire.
(^) Your son won’t clean his room. Bribe him. Each week he keeps
his room clean, buy him a new Nintendo game, or give him $5. All
you have to do is be creative enough to find a bribe that works with
each of your children.
(^) Another variety of this method is contracts. Make a contract with
your daughter. Spell out an agreement that commits you to perform
certain things if she performs certain things. Make contracts that