driven by a life-long desire to please her parents and secure their
approbation. Or she may internally distance herself from her parents
in order to be insulated from further hurt. Whether she is compliant or
rebellious, she is not learning to live out of a desire to know and serve
God.
Punitive Correction
(^) Some parents utilize a punitive approach. These parents use the
threat of punishment to control their children. There are many
variations on this theme. The punishment may be being hit or yelled
at. The punishment may be simple privation of something that the
child desires. The attempt is to keep the child under control through
the negative experience of punishment. I am not decrying a biblical
use of the rod, but rather an impulsive response of angry frustration.
(^) Grounding is perhaps the most popular form of privation. Children
are grounded from their bikes, the phone, from going outside, from
the TV, from other children, or even other family members. As I
write, I am aware of a 10-year-old who has been grounded to his room
for several weeks. He may only leave his room to go to school, or to
eat, or to go to the bathroom.
(^) The problem here is that none of the issues that caused the poor
behavior for which he is grounded are being addressed. I asked his
folks what they thought grounding was doing for him. They looked at
me with blank stares. You see, grounding is not designed to do
something for the child; it is designed to do something against him.
(^) Grounding is not corrective. It is simply punitive. It does not
biblically address the issues of the heart that were reflected in the
child’s wrong behavior. It simply punishes for a specified period of
time. Nothing my young friend needs to know is being learned. He is
learning to cope with grounding, but his character flaws are not
addressed. He is not learning to understand the deceitfulness of his
heart. He is not learning God’s ways. He is not being taken to Christ,