Shepherding a Child's Heart

(^) Your first objective in correction must not be to tell your children
how you feel about what they have done or said. You must try to
understand what is going on inside them. Since the Scripture says that
it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks, you must
engage your children to understand what is going on inside.
(^) What is important in correction is not venting your feelings, anger
or hurt; it is, rather, understanding the nature of the struggle that your
child is having. What is important is understanding the “why” of what
has been done or said. You need to understand not just what has
happened, but what is going on within your child. Remember, it is out
of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks. Your question in
correction is this: What is the specific content of the abundance of the
heart in this circumstance? What was the temptation? What was his
response to that temptation? What was he trying to accomplish? If
you can understand and help your child understand these things, you
will be on your way to understanding the “why” of what has
transpired. What you must do is peel away the behavior and discern
the inner world of your child’s motivation in this situation. While you
can never understand the issues of the heart flawlessly, it is a pursuit
worthy of effort.
(^) Imagine this scenario: Your child is putting on his new sneakers.
You knew last night when you bought them that he was not really
happy with them, but they were the only ones you could afford. Now,
as he is getting ready for school, he is crying. How are you going to
handle this one? If your objective is to let him know what you think,
you may say something like this:
(^) “Look, I know you don’t like the sneakers, but that’s all I could
afford. Don’t be such a baby. What would Jared say if I told him you
were crying over something like this? They’re just going to get
messed up anyway. In a couple of days no one will know what they
look like. What do you care about what those kids think about your
sneakers? Who made them the experts anyhow? You should be