miserable. He saw that he could make choices to improve diɽcult
circumstances by making decisions that little by little allowed him
to take control of how he experienced and responded to diʃerent
situations.
(He and Tina did have to laugh together, though, when he began
to feel frustrated with himself when he wasn’t perfect at worrying
less about being perfect.)
STUCK ON THE RIM: DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN “FEEL” AND “AM”
Josh’s suʃering was a result of being “stuck on the rim” of the
wheel of awareness. Rather than perceiving his world from his hub
and integrating his many rim points, he directed all of his attention
toward just a few particular rim points that created an anxious and
critical state of mind. As a result, he lost touch with many of the
other parts of the rim that could help him experience a more
peaceful and accepting state of mind. This is what happens when
kids aren’t working from an integrated wheel of awareness. Just
like adults, they can become stuck on certain rim points, on one or
a few particular aspects of their being, which often leads to
experiencing rigidity or chaos.
This leaves them confusing the diʃerence between “feel” and
“am.” When children experience a particular state of mind, such as
feeling frustrated or lonely, they may be tempted to deɹne
themselves based on that temporary experience, as opposed to
understanding that that’s simply how they feel at the moment.
Instead of saying, “I feel lonely” or “I feel sad right now,” they say,
“I am lonely” or “I am sad.” The danger is that the temporary state
of mind can be perceived as a permanent part of their self. The
state comes to be seen as a trait that defines who they are.
Imagine, for instance, a nine-year-old who is struggling with her