or might not teach Colin not to remove his brother’s things without
permission, but it wouldn’t generalize into a mindsight skill.
Finally, Ron and Sandy could discuss what should happen to
make things right, including having Colin apologize and work with
Logan to create some new paintings to hang on the shared wall in
the room. By choosing to use the situation for growth and teaching,
rather than avoiding it as an unpleasant obstacle, Colin’s parents
could convert some fairly intense conɻict into a thrive moment and
help both of their sons learn important lessons about what it means
to be in a relationship. The key is opening up mindsight’s lens to
make the perception of each boy’s inner world available for
inspection.
Mindsight permits children to sense the importance of the inner
life of thoughts and feelings. Without such development, behaviors
become just interactions a child responds to from the surface,
something to “deal with” as an automatic reaction without
reɻection. Parents are a child’s ɹrst mindsight teachers, using
challenging moments to engage a child’s own circuits of reɻection
to view our shared inner worlds. As children develop these
mindsight skills, they can learn to balance the importance of their
own inner lives with those of others. These reɻective skills are also
the basis for how children learn to balance their own emotions
while understanding the emotional lives of the people around
them. Mindsight is the basis of both social and emotional
intelligence. It allows children to learn that they are a part of a
larger world of relationships where feelings matter and connections
are a source of reward, meaning, and fun.
Whole-Brain Kids:
Teach Your Kids About Integrating the Self with the Other