CHAPTER 4

Kill the Butterflies!

Integrating Memory for Growth and Healing

“There is no way I’m taking swimming lessons this summer!”
Tina’s seven-year-old made this ɹrm proclamation when he
found out his parents had signed him up for lessons at their local
high school pool. Sitting at the dinner table, he glared at his mom
and dad, setting his jaw and narrowing his eyes.
Tina looked to her husband, Scott, who shrugged, as if to say,
OK, I’ll go first.
“I don’t get it. You love swimming.”
“Exactly, Dad, that’s the point.” He even sounded sarcastic. “I
already know how to swim.”
Scott nodded. “We know you do. The lessons are to help you get
better.”
Tina added, “Plus Henry’s doing it. You’ll be hanging out with
him every day next week.”
He shook his head. “No way. I don’t care.” He looked down at
his plate, and a hint of fear crept into his determined voice. “Please
don’t make me do this.”
Scott and Tina exchanged a look and said they’d think about it
and continue the discussion later. But they were shocked. It was
absolutely unheard of for their son to turn down any activity with
Henry, his best friend, especially one related to athletics.
Situations like this come up all the time for parents, where they
are left completely baʀed by the way their child responds to
something they say. When fear, anger, frustration, and other big
emotions overpower children and they act in ways that don’t make