The Whole-Brain Child

implicit memories cause us to form expectations about the way the
world works, based on our previous experiences. Remember the
connection between ballet and bubble gum? Because neurons that
ɹre together wire together, we create certain mental models based
on what’s gone on in the past. If you hug your toddler every
evening when you come home from work, he’ll have a model in his
mind that your return will be ɹlled with aʃection and connection.
This is because implicit memory creates something called “priming”
in which the brain readies itself to respond in a certain way. When
you get home, your son anticipates a hug. Not only is his internal
world primed for receiving that loving gesture, he’ll even move his
arms in anticipation when he hears your car in the driveway. As he
gets older, priming will continue to operate with more complex
behaviors. A few years later, if a piano teacher frequently criticizes
his playing, he may create a mental model that he doesn’t like
piano, or even that he’s not musical. A more extreme version of
this process occurs in the case of post-traumatic stress disorder, or
PTSD, where an implicit memory of a disturbing experience
becomes encoded in a person’s brain, and a sound or image triggers
that memory without the person even realizing it’s a memory.
Implicit memory is essentially an evolutionary process that keeps
us safe and out of danger. It frees us to be able to react quickly, or
even automate our responses in moments of danger without having
to actively or intentionally recall previous similar experiences.
What all this means for us as parents is that when our kids seem
to be reacting in unusually unreasonable ways, we need to consider
whether an implicit memory has created a mental model that we
need to help them explore. This is what Tina did for her son when
she tucked him into bed and talked with him about the swimming
lessons. Their conversation went something like this: