The Conscious Parent

into his son’s room, unplugged the computer, then threw it on the floor.
When Andrew protested, Peter slapped him across his face and told him
he regretted Andrew had ever been born.
Peter was going through what countless parents of teenagers endure.
Although it appears that a parent may be justified in their reactions at
such a time, we tend to forget that this dynamic was set in motion years
ago. What started out as a battle of wills and a quest for control had
escalated into a traumatic relationship for both.
Inextricably entangled in his own emotional drama, his own
interpretation of his son’s motivations, and his own feeling of a lack of
power, Peter allowed himself to become so deeply triggered that he lost
all control of himself. When we react out of our own need for power and
control like this, we fail to ask, “What does my child need from me that I
have been unable to give so far?” This father had long stopped listening
for what his son truly needed from him.
It’s possible Andrew reminded Peter of his own childhood, mirroring
inadequacies he had worked hard to overcome over the years. Perhaps he
was so wedded to the script of control that he couldn’t bear his son to
deviate from his expectations in the slightest way. Maybe he was so
invested in the idea of perfection that he couldn’t stand the fact Andrew
was flawed. It’s also likely that Peter saw his son as a reflection of the
kind of parent he was, an issue doubtless laced with guilt for the fact he
had divorced Andrew’s mother years ago. Whatever the underlying
motivation, it was clear that Peter had taken this personally, which had
triggered an egoic reaction. Andrew, as all children do, picked up on the
fact that his father had lost connection with his own authentic self.