The Conscious Parent

limitless capacity for compassion and unconditional love. Because we
are unaccustomed to living in the present moment and unused to being
attuned to the needs of another in such an intense manner, the invitation
to become present for our infant is challenging. Addicted as we are to
our incessant focus on our own needs, to be present for our infant can be
intimidating, overwhelming. Those who muster the courage to take up
the challenge discover that the act of giving loosens their grip on their
ego, offering them a chance to live in the zone of non-self. As our
children take us beyond our ego’s narrow needs, we become intimate
with our potential for selflessness.
To own our capacity for selflessness is particularly crucial during this
stage of our child’s development because an infant’s reflection in its
parents’ eyes is its only validation of its inner experience. Imagine if the
infant is upset, but instead of reflecting back concern, the mother begins
to laugh or becomes angry. Such a child experiences severe dissonance,
becoming confused. If its parent empathizes with it through their
reassuring tone of voice and secure embrace, the infant feels validated in
its emotion and will allow itself to be calmed. In this way it learns to be
centered.
Due to our own mental preoccupation, at times we may simply be
unable to respond to our infant authentically. We may be too worried
about our own problems to be truly present with our child. For instance,
if we are sad about something, we may be unable to reflect back a sense
of joy. At such a time, we may find ourselves asking, “How can I calm
you when I am a storm inside? How can I return your smile when I am
weeping within? How can I soothe your fears when I quiver myself? How