The Conscious Parent

“no” to us. Consequently, they develop a grandiose sense of themselves.
Anita grew up as the youngest of two children. Her father, Stanley,
died when she was seven years old. Anita’s older sister suffered from
severe mental and physical limitations, which meant she was confined to
a wheelchair. The girls’ mother, Louise, focused her attention on the
older sister, forever consumed by her daughter’s disability. Faced with
such a situation, Anita learned her place in life quickly: she was second
best. Nothing she could do grabbed her mother’s attention away from her
sick sister, and she felt like a greedy monster for even wanting this
attention.
Since her mother noticed her only in the context of her ability to serve
her sister and help carry the overwhelming burden of raising a sick child,
Anita adapted to this role well, becoming the consummate caregiver. As
a result, her mother increasingly leaned on her, while simultaneously
pushing her to be everything her older sister couldn’t be. Fulfilling all
her mother’s expectations, Anita became a successful pediatrician and
took care of the family both financially and emotionally.
Marrying late and giving birth to three children, in her new family
Anita continued to do what she did best, giving her all to her children,
who grew up to be competent and accomplished. In her zeal not to inflict
on them what she had endured as a child, she capitulated to their every
demand, allowing them to use her as she had been used by her mother.
Anita’s husband, Steven, was no less demanding in his expectations of
her. Petty, jealous, and possessive, he drained her of her emotional
energy. As a result, Anita spent her adult life shuttling between her
mother, sister, children, and husband, which she appeared to do