The Conscious Parent

computer. “Let’s stop this game,” I suggested, “because I promised you
an hour of computer time.” I imagined she would race out of the room,
thrilled to be by herself with her computer games.
Surprising and humbling me, she responded, “I don’t want to play on
the computer. I want to play this game with you.” It’s we who rob our
children of their natural desire to be close to us—and then we bemoan
the fact that, in their teens, they want nothing to do with us.
Instead of rushing to buy our children the latest video game, computer,
or jewelry—especially if they are under the age of twelve—we help them
best when we encourage them to live a simple life. If they see us become
flustered, promising to buy a certain toy for them when they complain
they don’t have it, they come to believe such things are really important.
However, if they receive no reaction from us, they learn to appreciate
what they already have.
We help our children develop their resilience when we don’t panic at
every opportunity. They are going to fall ill, receive bruises, get into a
fight at school, come home with a B (or heaven forbid a D!), and in
general mess up. They are going to eat too much candy, forget to brush
their teeth, wear their shirt inside out, lose their cell phone, break our
television remote, and violate our rules. This is the nature of childhood.
If we develop an over-exaggerated response to our children’s follies,
they learn to have over-the-top reactions like our own—reactions that, in
the teen years, can include suicide.
While many parents put tremendous stress on their children, others try
to rescue their children from stress. The reality is that children need
stress in order to grow. Learning to tolerate the pain of seeing them deal