HOW WE UNDERMINE OUR ATTEMPTS TO
CONNECT WITH OUR CHILDREN
The minute our children try to talk to us, we tend to jump in to advise
them, critique them, admonish them. We are also apt to label their
experiences. Why do we feel we must constantly advise our children,
always impart some gem of wisdom, give our opinion on everything? I
suggest the reason lies in ourselves, not in what our children require. We
are simply unable to be and allow. We can’t accept the as is of the
situation.
Since our children didn’t ask for our unsolicited opinion and didn’t
invite us to dominate the discussion, is it any wonder they stop engaging
with us and begin hiding things from us?
As a result of the abundance of psychologically based reading,
teaching, and counseling about not trying to “fix” things, some of us
have become savvy. We practice the art of reflecting back to our children
what we hear them saying. Perhaps you have used some of the following
mirroring statements with your children, as I have with mine:
I see you are upset
I notice you are angry right now
I just want you to know that you appear very irritated at this
moment
You feel as if no one understands you
I understand you are feeling lonely today
I can see you aren’t in the right mood to talk right now I can tell you
are frustrated right now