When you engage your children at their level, words often aren’t even
necessary, since they can detract from the emotional connection children
have with their experience. Instead, your tuned-in presence is all that’s
needed. Engaged presence involves simply being a witness to your
children’s experiences, allowing them to sit in what they are feeling
without any insinuation that they need to move beyond this state.
Rather than “psychologizing” your children, simply allow. To allow
and witness will enable your children to learn the art of selfreflection
instead of fostering dependence on you.DO YOU VALIDATE YOUR CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOR,
OR THEIR BEING?
We all know the difference when someone validates our essential being,
as opposed to validating a particular behavior. It’s natural for us to show
empathy for another by saying, “I understand.” However, the reality is
that often we don’t understand. Even if we have been in a similar
situation, we haven’t walked through this particular situation in this
person’s shoes, with their unique mindset and emotional makeup. Again,
it’s the intention with which we make this statement that’s crucial. Are
we saying we understand because we have just injected ourselves into the
other’s experience? Or are we saying it as a way of telling them, “I am
here for you,” and most importantly, “I accept that this is what you are
going through”? The difference lies in whether we are relating from ego
or truly entering a state of acceptance of another, and in this manner
being of service to their essence. We are talking about empathy. The core
of empathy lies in being able to allow the individual to experience their