or blaming. Only when your children are free of fear can they extract the
lesson they need.DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHY THEY DID WHAT THEY
DID?
When we presume we understand the motivation behind our children’s
actions and judge them negatively, we trigger in them a sense of
helplessness. Sometimes in blatant ways and at other times in the subtlest
of ways, we pile feelings of inadequacy upon them. For instance, we
make fun of them or even ridicule them, compare them to their friends,
and put them down in front of others. We also expect more from them
than they are willing or even able to give.
Consider some of the countless shame-inducing statements we make:
You constantly break my rules because you don’t love this family
You don’t study hard because you don’t care about your future
You don’t do your homework because you are lazy
You lie because you don’t care about anyone’s
feelings but your own
You are forgetful and inconsiderate
You are silly for feeling what you are feeling You are rude
You ought to be ashamed of yourself
I don’t believe you, and I can’t trust you
You purposefully hurt my feelings You are mean
You are making things up—you are lying.