The Conscious Parent

completely lacking in respect, either on the part of the children or their
parents.
Overwhelmed, Stephanie is in tears on a daily basis. Having grown up
with a controlling, domineering mother, she has little sense of
empowerment and feels easily victimized. Since conflict frightens her,
she does her best to avoid it. Similarly, Phillip grew up in a home where
emotions were rarely expressed, which means he’s uncomfortable
whenever he has to articulate his own. Because both Stephanie and
Phillip lead emotionally constricted lives, they are afraid to find their
authentic voice with their children. Of course, this couple’s children,
being the spiritual gurus that children are, act in the way they do
precisely to challenge their parents to address their emotional baggage.
When I observed these parents with their children, it was immediately
clear there was no system to the parents’ discipline. The children had no
clue how they were supposed to behave. For instance, the three boys
were playing in the family room when, before long, they began throwing
their toys all over the room and climbing on the furniture. When Jacob,
the oldest and leader of the three, began to shake the lamps, Stephanie
entered the room, saying, “Please don’t do that Jacob.” Jacob paid no
attention. Again Stephanie spoke up: “I said, ‘Please.’ Please stop this
behavior or you will get a time out.”
None of the boys paid any attention. In a pleading voice, Stephanie
repeated, “I said, ‘Please.’”
When this had no effect, Stephanie turned to me, helpless, her eyes
begging me to understand, as she explained, “I’m trying to discipline
them, but no one is listening to me. Do you see how hard this is?” A