enough to give this. If her behavior asks for shaping and containment, I
will be engaged and alert, ready to provide this the moment she needs it.
If her behavior asks for non-reaction from me, then this will be my
response.”
We seem to believe we can “get by” with minimal engagement, an
approach I find most common in parents of children who are extremely
difficult to manage. It’s a mistake to presume our children will
magically learn the appropriate way to behave. When we wait in the hope
our children’s behavior will somehow change, all the while taking no
action to help it along, our children become set in their ways and we find
ourselves at a loss for what to do. Our children count on us to guide them
across the continuum of time, not just when it’s convenient. If we zone
out for days at a time, then reenter the parenting process at our leisure,
we miss the opportunity to nip emerging behavior in the bud. Shaping
our children’s behavior can’t be done in fits and starts.
For this reason, I now welcome incidents such as occurred at the
beach. Not that I enjoy them, but I know that these messy episodes bring
my ego to the fore so I can confront it. When this occurs, I tell myself
that my child is allowing me to witness the ways in which I need to
evolve. For this I am eternally grateful.
It’s at times like these that raising children has the potential to become
such a spiritual process. Few other relationships evoke within us our
blind hunger for control, thereby revealing our immaturity— and hence
inviting us to take great leaps in our own development.
michael s
(Michael S)
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